The Call
by Leonhart17
Summary: The summer after season five what prompts Willow to attempt to resurrect Buffy?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The title and quotes are lifted from the Regina Spektor song with the same title. I don't own it!

* * *

_Just because everything's changing  
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before_

Tara could hear crashing in the basement as soon as she came through the front door of Buffy's…of the Summer's house, but it took her a second to recognize the screaming sobs she was hearing as Willow's. She was moving before she had any thought beyond that, dropping her bag uncaringly to the floor and taking the stairs down into the basement two at a time.

Willow had apparently been taking the trash out before she'd started screaming, several garbage bags at her feet, but her hands were busy worrying pale leather straps, her eyes closed with tears streaming down her face, hiccupping sobs. Tara hesitated at the base of the stairs, not sure she should interrupt Willow's grief, but she jumped forward as her lover slapped one of the straps sharply against her own leg, jerking the pieces from her hands.

"Willow! What's wrong?" Even as she asked, a thousand possible answers shot through her mind - Buffy was dead, Dawn hadn't spoken in days, Spike and Giles were barely keeping patrols under control while Willow spent every spare minute with the Buffy-bot, trying to restore the robot back to functioning.

Willow stared at her without seeing, apparently at a loss now that Tara had taken the leather bindings from her. The redhead's eyes were rimmed with red, her cheeks splotchy from crying, while the dark shadows under her eyes that had been growing over the last few weeks were darker than ever.

"Tara?" Willow asked dumbly, blinking at her. "What?"

The blonde pursed her lips, pulling Willow against her with her free hand, breathing quiet reassurances to her. "You were hitting yourself with this," she breathed. "Why?" Willow's head tilted down to look at the item in Tara's hand, surprising the blonde as she smacked it out of her hand. "Willow! Ouch!" Tara yelped, stung by the sharp blow.

Tara's pain seemed to snap Willow out of her haze, and the redhead pulled Tara's hand quickly between both of her own, pulling it up to cover the back of it in kisses. "I'm so sorry, Tara. I didn't mean to, I wasn't thinking, I just…"

Tara hushed her gently, pressing one hand over her lover's lips. "Shh, it's okay, Willow. You just surprised me. What's going on, honey?"

Willow shook her head, glaring at the strips of leather on the floor. "Don't want that to ever touch you again," she said vaguely.

Tara frowned down at the ground, confused. "Touch _me_?" she asked. "You were hitting yourself with it."

Willow blinked in surprise, kicking the strap away from them violently. "You don't know what it is, do you?" she asked softly.

Tara shook her head, swallowing thickly. "No…"

Willow was crying again, quiet tears slipping down her cheeks. "After…when you were…you didn't remember me, and I had to strap you, you couldn't sleep…I'm _so _sorry, Tara…" she choked out, growing too overwhelmed to speak.

Tara hushed her immediately, pulling Willow into a hug. "You took care of me. You got me back. You found me, Willow. That's all that matters."

The redhead clung to her, trembling. "I never thought I'd hear you say my name again," she gasped. "I thought I would never get to hold you again. You're my everything, and you didn't know me," she cried, face buried against Tara's shoulder. "You were…in pain…tortured, and I couldn't…I didn't get there in time."

Tara held her tighter, shaking her head. "It wasn't your fault. None of it…" She could feel her throat tightening and she swallowed. "It just happened, baby. I…you…there's nothing we can do…"

Willow groaned, nodding. "I know," she gasped. "Tara, I don't know what…I couldn't do this if I, if you…"

"I'm right here," Tara assured her. "You found me, and I'm not going anywhere." She took a deep breath. "What's going on down here, though? Why were you hitting yourself with that? That was the strap you had to tie me down with?" She spoke softly, trying to calm Willow down.

Willow nodded, sniffling back more tears. "Yes. I was taking the trash out, and it was down here. I don't even know who put it down here, but all of a sudden, I could see you, thrashing around, the look in your eyes…" She choked, her eyes squeezing closed as she saw it again, her precious Tara without thought, or memory, without anything but guilt and shame and pain. "I see it when we go to bed…after you're asleep, I lay there and just watch you, and in my mind you're hurting and you're fighting me while I'm trying to…Tara, I had to!"

"Shh, I know…"

"But then, your nightmares start, and it's like it is in my head, you're crying and you fight me, and I don't know what to do anymore. I need to help you, but I don't know how," Willow said, crying.

"I'm sorry, Willow…"

"No, it's not…you didn't…you don't do anything wrong, Tara. You went through something awful, something I didn't protect you from."

"Willow!" Tara protested sharply. "There was nothing you could have done, about any of it!" She guided Willow's head up to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm having nightmares," she offered softly, holding Willow's chin as the redhead started to shake her head. "But you're doing everything you can, sweetie. That's all I need." She pressed a kiss to Willow's forehead, hesitating for a heartbeat before she pressed a kiss to her mouth. "I need you to be okay too, Willow. We all do."

She knew Willow was carrying Buffy's death with her every second, was carrying their need to hide the Slayer's absence, trying to carry Dawn's grief, Giles', Xander's. She knew there was nothing she could do to make it better for her lover. Buffy was dead. Willow's best friend in the world had died to save them all.

Willow nodded through Tara's grip on her chin. "I know. I'm doing the best I can."

"Oh, sweetie, I know that! I do," Tara agreed quickly, letting Willow's chin go, her fingers gliding over her beloved's freckled skin, gripping her soft red hair gently. "What can I do to help you?"

Willow shook her head brokenly, tears sliding down her cheeks again. "I don't know what to do, Tara. I don't know anything anymore."

"That's not true, Willow. You, you shouldn't have to, but you keep the rest of us from collapsing. We couldn't do anything, any of this without you," Tara told her earnestly. "But I need you to make me a promise, okay?"

Willow nodded quietly, still crying without sniffling, without trembling, and it was a statement to how much she'd been doing it recently that she didn't notice as the salty tears dripped off of her cheeks. "Anything," she promised softly. "Tara, I'll do anything for you."

"I know you have to be strong for Dawn, and for Giles, and Xander, but I don't want you to be that person with me, okay?" Tara pleaded. "I need you to tell me what you need, when you're weak, when you can't keep it up anymore, please? I love you, Willow, and I don't want you to lie to me, ever. If you need anything, I need you to tell me, Willow. I need this from you. I'm your partner. We can't do any of this without each other." Tara dimly realized that she was crying now herself as Willow's hand wiped the tears from her face. "Be as strong as you can be for the others, but the second you cross into our room, or anytime we're alone, you drop it. Anytime you need anything, you tell me. I don't know if I'll be able to help, or make anything better, but I need to try."

"You make everything better," Willow protested. "Tara…"

Tara kissed her again, slow and gentle. Willow responded slowly, her eyes squeezing closed as more tears escaped. Willow slid her arms around Tara, holding her tightly. They separated slowly, Willow maintaining her hard grip on Tara. Willow was breathing hard and she let her head drop forward against Tara's shoulder.

"I love you," Tara breathed, combing her fingers gently through Willow's hair.

"I love you too," Willow responded, her voice rough and muffled as she leaned against Tara. She loosened her hold gradually, taking an unsteady step backward. "I need to finish with the trash," she mumbled.

Tara let her go, watching her quietly as Willow resumed stuffing the trash bags into the big green garbage can. She stepped decisively over the leather strap she'd kicked, but looked over her shoulder in surprise as Tara's hand stopped her from pulling the receptacle outside and to the street. The blonde leaned over and picked up the tangled straps, stuffing them into the garbage can and covering them with the lid firmly, meeting Willow's grateful eyes over the dumpster.

"Thank you," Willow whispered weakly.

Tara nodded. "I'll meet you upstairs, okay? Dawn should be home soon."

Willow nodded, resuming pulling the garbage out to the street. It seemed strange to her that something as trivial as taking the trash to the street was her life now. That, and rebuilding a sex-bot turned their last hope for keeping the Hellmouth from exploding, and taking care of a teenager, and providing Giles and Spike with whatever magical backup they needed.

She hurriedly derailed that train of thought, sure that it would only lead back to the screaming and sobbing that Tara had caught. She had never wanted her lover to see her like that, weak and broken, missing her best friend, and not sure how she was going to make it through the next minute, much less the next hour, day, week, month, year. But Tara knew now how weak she really was, and she still wanted her, wanted to help her.

Dawn was already home when she came in, the teen as speechless as she'd been since her sister's death. Finals were over now, a part of their normal life that seemed completely insane. Willow had managed to keep her grades up in her classes in spite of everything. Tara's had been shakier, her bout of insanity making going to class and studying an impossibility. Giles and Willow had teamed up to help Dawn study, while Tara went to the school and begged an extension from the teachers. But now the youngest Summers, the only Summers left, was out of school. Willow and Tara had been sleeping in Joyce's room while Giles bunked on the sofa since none of them could bring themselves to enter Buffy's room, but the incoming summer vacation would necessitate some changes.

Dawn was sitting at the table in the dining room, listlessly drawing patterns on the wood with her finger. Giles was sitting at the other end of the table, reading quietly. Tara was in the kitchen, but she came into the doorway as Willow came in, the blonde leaning against the wall in silence as Willow took a seat beside Dawn.

They all blinked in surprise as Dawn spoke up, her first words in over a week. "I think you guys should stay," she said, her voice cracking and rough.

"What?" Willow asked softly, one hand resting lightly on Dawn's shoulder.

The teen looked between Willow, Tara, and Giles, her eyes haunted and tired. "I can't live here alone, they'll send me to a home or something. Could you do that? Please? Willow, I don't know what…I can't…" She was starting to lose her control, tears sliding down her cheeks.

The redhead pulled her into a hug immediately. "Of course, Dawn. I'll stay. I'm right here, and I won't go anywhere." She met Tara's eyes over Dawn's head, seeing Tara's sad smile. She wasn't sure that her lover would want to move in here with her, but Dawn needed this and she needed to help her. "I'll stay."

Giles was watching them silently, but didn't want to intrude and he didn't say anything. Buffy's death had hit them all hard, and in different ways. Dawn had lost her sister, and the last of her family. Xander and Willow had both lost their best friend, but Giles had lost his Slayer. What had started as a job, a calling, had become his entire reason for living, and she was gone. Watching the others' grief was painful for him, but it served to remind him that he was not the only one who had lost Buffy.

"Thank you," Dawn choked hoarsely. "Giles, you won't…go anywhere, will you?" she asked, voice weak and small.

He cleared his throat in an effort not to cry, shaking his head as his hands compulsively reached for his glasses. "If Willow is going to be here with you permanently, I think I'll go back to my apartment, but I'm not going anywhere. You know anything you need from me, you have but to ask," he assured her solemnly, trying in vain to muster a smile.

Tara cleared her throat, each of them struggling now not to cry. "Thank you, Giles."

"Tara, you'll stay too, right?" Dawn asked, her head leaning against Willow's shoulder, but her eyes moved up to find Tara. "Here? With us?"

The witches exchanged looks, and the blonde witch swallowed thickly, nodding. "If that's what you want, Dawn. Of course I'll stay."

"Good," Dawn declared weakly. "Willow needs you."

The witches gave each other another look, both heartbroken at the younger girl's pain, and Tara could see Willow's mask of control drop over her features after a brief moment of honesty.

"How's Spike?" Willow asked Giles, one hand stroking softly over Dawn's hair.

The Watcher sighed, resting his head on his crossed arms on the table in a posture of defeat and exhaustion that he previously would not have let them see from him. A lot of things were different between them now. "Tired, but his injuries have healed well enough." He gave her a questioning look. "How long…"

"I got it put back together, and I put the head back on, but I'm still trying to find all of the…other programs that Warren put in there. It won't be walking or talking until next week at least," Willow answered before he could finish the question. "No combat for at least a month. Are you guys going to be able to keep it handled until then? I can patrol with you," she offered. "I came up with a few new spells that should be able to deal some serious damage."

Giles shook his head, letting out a deep breath. "No, Willow, we need you working on the bot. The faster it's operational, the better. We're keeping the vampire populace down, but there will be rumors if Bu…if they don't see the Slayer…"

It took them all by surprise to hear even the first syllable of Buffy's name, sacred and forbidden now that she was gone. Willow hadn't said it since her trip to L.A. to tell Angel what had happened. Dawn hadn't even started to say it, and Giles never got more than the first sound out before he choked.

Willow nodded to break the strange tension left in the remnants of her friend's name, clearing her throat. "I'm doing the best I can, Giles. I'll keep working."

He nodded, pushing his hair back unnecessarily. "Thank you, Willow." His eyes traveled around the room, lingering on each of them before he pushed himself to his feet, letting out a deep breath. "I should go prepare for tonight."

Willow nodded. "Thanks, Giles. I'll keep working on the bot."

He moved out of the room with a nod, the others sitting in uncomfortable silence in the aftermath of the door closing behind him. Dawn lifted her head from Willow's shoulder tiredly, the teen blinking blearily around the room. "I think I'll go upstairs and lay down," she said quietly, barely audible.

"I'll come get you for dinner in a while," Tara said.

Dawn nodded without speaking, moving towards the stairs. As soon as they both heard the door close behind her, Willow pushed herself to her feet, intending to get to work on the robot that was spread across the coffee table and most of the living room floor. Tara's hands on her shoulders stopped her, pushing her gently back into her chair.

"I want to talk to you," Tara said, fingers combing through Willow's hair, the redhead leaning into the touch. "Are you okay with this? Living here…me living here, I mean?"

Willow blinked, sucking in a surprised breath. She studied Tara's face for a long moment. She needed her girlfriend with her, but if it wasn't what the blonde wanted she'd find a way to break the news to Dawn. It wasn't as if she hadn't heard worse recently. She didn't know how she'd be able to go to sleep if she wasn't holding Tara though. To say nothing of waking up and having to face the day without her there, in sight and within reach.

"Tara, I need you, but if you need time, or space, or anything, I'll give it to you. I'll think of something to tell Dawn…"

Tara shook her head rapidly, fingers sliding back into Willow's hair to pull her closer, their foreheads leaning together. "Willow, no! I need to stay with you. God, I don't even think I could close my eyes at night if you weren't beside me." She couldn't stop herself from pulling Willow closer, flashes of her nightmares flying behind her eyes. She didn't realize she was trembling until Willow pulled her gently into her arms, holding her close on her lap.

"It's okay, shh, I'm right here, baby. I love you, and I'm right here, Tara," Willow whispered, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks. Tara steadied her breathing with an effort, finding Willow's concerned, sympathetic gaze. "Want to go lay down?" Willow asked softly.

Tara shook her head tiredly. "No. You've got work to do. I don't want to go without you."

Willow opened her mouth to object, but realized that Tara was right. She needed to get the robot working before she could relax, and she growled in frustration. "I don't want to do this anymore, Tara. I'm tired of being scared, and tired of being tired, and you need something from me, and I don't have it to give right now." She blinked and her eyes were swimming with tears. "Tara, I'm so sorry. You're the most important person in the world to me. You know that, right? Even if I can't show it because I've got to fix the stupid bot, and make sure everyone else is okay, and try and keep everything from falling apart, and she would have been able to do it, but she's gone, and it's just me now, and I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Willow, no," Tara whispered. "It's _us. _I'm right here. You just have to tell me what you need and I'll do it. Willow, I love you so much." She leaned in before she gave herself time to think about it and kissed Willow. They'd kissed since Buffy's death, but it was always quick or for comfort. So far, their longest physical encounter had been the kiss earlier in the basement. Tara kept herself from pushing into Willow's mouth only through sheer force of will, wanting nothing more than to take comfort from her, but not wanting to push Willow, unsure how the redhead would react to physical affection so soon after everything that had happened.

Willow kept herself withdrawn, swallowing back a whimper as she met Tara's lips gently. "Tara," she groaned against her lips, craning her neck up to kiss her again, deeper this time. Tara responded, one hand in the back of Willow's hair to pull her closer. Willow blinked in surprise as the blonde pulled away from her suddenly, both breathing hard.

"Sorry," Tara panted, leaning her head against Willow's neck.

"No, I'm sorry, baby," Willow said softly, combing her fingers through blonde hair. "Wait…what are you sorry about?"

"The kiss. I know you're not ready…" Tara whispered. "I'm sorry. I'll wait. I can wait…"

Willow shook her head, confused. "I'm not ready? Tara, I've been missing you so bad, but, honey, you've been through so much, and I would never push you into anything you're not ready for. I know you were sick, tortured…at night, you fight me when I touch you. But baby, it'll get better, and I'll wait…"

"You think I don't want you?" Tara asked incredulously, feeling tears slide hot down her cheeks. "Willow…"

The redhead shrugged apologetically. "You…Tara, you can't…"

"Willow, we can't do this anymore," Tara interrupted, wiping tears from her face.


	2. Chapter 2

_All you can do is try to know  
Who your friends are as you head off to the war_

The redhead's heart skipped what felt like several beats and she wondered if she was going to throw up. After everything that had happened, now she was going to lose the only light she had left in her life. She could hear her heart start beating again unbelievably, her body apparently not getting the message that her life was over, and she tried to push Tara off of her lap, needing to be sick.

Tara stumbled as she regained her footing, and she grasped Willow's arm for support. "Tara, please…" Willow gasped, holding tight to Tara's wrists. "Don't leave me."

Tara gaped at her in incomprehension. "What? Willow, no!" Her eyes squeezed closed and she was suddenly breathing hard. "No! I never meant…we can't keep doing it like this. We have to talk about things like this. We need to talk. I know it's bad right now, but we can't keep going like this. Sweetheart…"

"You're not…you don't want to leave?" Willow gasped, sure she was squeezing Tara's wrists too hard, but unwilling to let her go.

"No, of course I don't," Tara said. She sighed heavily. "Can we sit down?" she asked, one hand rising to cup Willow's cheek. "Please? I need you to hold me."

Willow nodded, feeling weak with a dizzying combination of relief and anxiety. She kept her hands tight around Tara's wrist, making a conscious effort to breathe. "Yeah. I need to sit down," she agreed.

They moved together through the living room, picking their way gingerly through Willow's carefully organized piles of robot parts. Willow sat down in the middle of the couch, heaving a weary sigh. Tara sat down close beside her, turning quickly to put her legs across Willow's lap. Willow hesitantly rested her hands on Tara's knees, fingers stroking gently over Tara's jeans. "Is this okay?" she asked softly.

Tara took a deep breath, meeting her eyes solidly. "Willow, of course. You don't have to ask to touch me. I'm your partner. I don't want you to pull away from me. I'm so sorry I've been fighting you at night, but it's because when I'm asleep, and everything Glory did to me happens again, the things in my dreams that touch me, they're not you. In my head, it's my father, and Donny, telling me everything they always told me when I was growing up, that I'm worthless, and dirty, and a demon that no one will ever love." She swallowed thickly, choking on tears. "It's not you. Willow, I would never fight you."

Willow gave her a defeated look, her fingers tracing the seam of Tara's pants back and forth across the inside of her knee, but not letting her hand wander anywhere else. "Tara…"

"Listen to me," Tara interrupted her, voice suddenly firm. She took a shuddering breath, voice cracking and rough under her tears. "Those dreams are a nightmare, and every single night, I'm so scared that I'm back under Glory's control, that I'll never wake up." Her hand landed over Willow's on her leg. "But there is one thing that separates my dreams from what happened," she said softly, curling her fingers around Willow's hand. "In my dreams, you're there. You fight for me. You bring me back."

"I did," Willow said hoarsely. "I'll always find you, Tara." Her voice was near tears, and she choked them back fiercely, determined not to cry.

Tara nodded, pulling her hand up to kiss it. "I know that, Willow," she whispered, her lips against Willow's palm. "That's what wakes me up. You bring me back. Every night."

Willow sighed, shaking her head minutely. "It never should have happened, Tara."

"Hush," Tara said firmly. "It's all over." She eyed her girlfriend sympathetically. "Except for the nightmares." She planted another kiss in Willow's palm. "I know they're awful for you, and I wish I could stop them, wish you didn't have to see me like that, but they will get better, I promise. I'm doing everything I can to put it behind me, but it's going to take time."

"I know that, baby," Willow whispered. "I just…I hate seeing you like that. I see her hand, and you…and I can't get there. I see it every night." She curled her free hand around Tara's leg, hugging her lover's leg to her middle. "And then you start kicking me, and trying to get away, and it's like when you were gone." Her head leaned down and she pressed a kiss against the denim of Tara's pants. "I couldn't touch you," she breathed against the fabric.

Tara squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes, but Willow didn't lift her head, just squeezed her leg closer. "It's not like that anymore, Willow. You can touch me. I'm right here." She drew in a deep breath, fingers stroking over the back of Willow's hand. "I can't stop it from happening, but whenever it does, you wake me up," Tara said softly.

Willow shook her head, whimpering softly. "I try, but it never works. I shake you…"

"Hit me if you have to," Tara said, shrugging. "I won't mind…"

Willow looked horrified, shaking her head. "I would never, ever lift a hand to you, Tara. You know that."

"I know that," she assured her softly. "It wouldn't be like my father, or Donny," she reasoned gently.

"That doesn't matter," Willow interrupted. "I won't hit you, Tara," she said firmly.

Tara squeezed the hand she was holding, guiding it to her thigh, much closer to her hip than Willow had let her other hand wander. "So, do something else to get my attention," she proposed, voice soft and shy.

"Tara…"

"Willow," she echoed. "I feel you. When you touch me, it's all I can feel." Their eyes met and Tara gave her a soft smile. She pressed Willow's hand against her leg, sliding it gently back and forth, letting her eyes slide closed as she took a deep breath. "I love you, Willow."

"I love you too," the redhead whispered.

Tara let her eyes open, shifting herself closer to Willow. "Can you make me another promise?" she requested softly.

"Anything," Willow said immediately, kissing her knee again.

Tara shifted herself again, reaching forward to get a grip on Willow's collar, pulling her in. "Tonight, whenever I have a nightmare," she said, both of them knowing that her having another nightmare was a when, not if, situation. Willow nodded, unconsciously leaning in so that her lips brushed against Tara's. The blonde kissed her softly, keeping it chaste, her fingers sliding into Willow's hair. "When I have a nightmare tonight," she breathed, pulling on Willow's bottom lip with her own, "wake me up and make love to me."

Willow swallowed thickly, pressing forward to kiss her deeper. "I think I can handle that," she agreed. Tara chased her lips, the arm around Willow's neck pulling her in closer.

"I need you to handle it," Tara gasped her agreement, feeling Willow's hand dragging up the inside of her leg only to freeze dangerously close to the seam of her jeans. "Don't you dare stop," she groaned. "Willow," she gasped, gripping Willow's hair tightly.

Willow was breathing hard, but didn't let Tara pull her back down. "I heard…" She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Xander," Tara realized, reluctantly letting Willow go. They sat up slowly, both breathing hard. "We shouldn't be doing this on the couch," she declared softly. "Dawn's right upstairs."

Willow nodded shakily. "You're right," she gasped.

"I should get started on dinner," Tara said, not looking at her, feeling shy and nervous suddenly. Willow hadn't given any indication, other than her passionate response to the kiss, that she was ready to proceed with anything physical, but when Tara moved to stand up Willow grabbed her hand before she could move.

"Hey," Willow said quietly. "I want you, Tara. Don't think for one second that I don't." She leaned in again, kissing her deeply even as the knock sounded again on the door. "I haven't made love to you in more than a month." Between Glory, the insanity, and everything else they were in an unprecedented drought.

Tara was surprised to realize that she was smiling against Willow's lips. "I'm sure you'll remember what to do pretty quick," she teased.

Willow squeezed her eyes closed, swallowing thickly. "Vixen," she whispered shakily, taking one final kiss as Xander knocked again and they both heard Dawn walking down the stairs.

She didn't speak to them, opening the door for Xander. He hugged her gently, murmuring quietly to her. "Hey," he greeted the witches as they joined the others just inside the door. "How's it going?"

Dawn let out a deep breath, shaking her head against the carpenter's chest. "They were making out on the couch, so I think they're feeling better," she commented flatly.

Willow and Tara exchanged glances as Dawn squeezed Xander one more time before moving back toward the stairs, ignoring Willow as the redhead tried to call her back. "Xander…I, we were kissing, but…"

He shook his head, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Will. I know how hard this is. We're all going a little nuts." Willow looked stung and he continued quickly, "And I know how much worse it would be if I didn't have Anya." His eyes traveled to Tara. "You…both of you have been through a lot lately." He smiled sadly. "You'll get no judgment from me for comforting each other." His hand moved to her cheek, thumb brushing under her eye and pulling her in to press a kiss to her forehead. "Dawn loves you guys," he said quietly. "She's lonely right now. You know she doesn't mean anything by it."

Willow's eyes lingered on the dark staircase, and she reached past Xander to hit the light switch. They'd all gotten much too comfortable with darkness lately. "I'll talk to her," she said softly, blinking as she focused on Xander and Tara could see her lover's controlled mask drop back into place. "What's up?"

He shrugged, letting her go. "I just wanted to check in. Anya's busy at the shop, and I wasn't sure if you were going out with Spike and Giles tonight."

She shook her head. "Nope. I'm going to have my hands full inside the bot tonight." Even as she spoke, she blushed brightly. "Not like that," she said softly, glancing sideways at Tara. "Are you going out with them?" she asked, hoping to distract him from her slip of the tongue.

She couldn't help feeling a stab of relief when she saw him grin at her briefly. "I can," he answered. "Do you think they need me?"

The redhead shrugged, feeling Tara's hand on her back, scratching lightly at her shoulders in a gesture of comfort. "Um," she breathed, "Yeah, I mean, Spike got really knocked around last night. He's going to be moving a little slowly tonight."

He sighed heavily, crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay. I guess I'll swing by Giles' place before dark. That is where he is, right? I was kind of expecting him to be here."

Willow and Tara exchanged glances and Tara smiled, gesturing toward the kitchen. "I, um, I'm going to go start on dinner. Xander, do you want to stay?"

He nodded. "Sure, Tara. Thanks."

She moved away from Willow slowly, pressing a kiss to her cheek before she let go of her hand and walking quietly toward the kitchen. Willow and Xander watched her go in silence, moving once she was out of sight. They took seats on the couch, leaning toward each other unconsciously, providing comfort without thought. "Dawn asked us to move in here, with her," Willow said softly.

"You're going to do it, right?" Xander asked. Willow nodded and he let out a deep breath. "Good. I think it will be good for all of you. Dawn needs you right now."

"She needs all of us," she said. "We all need all of us."

Xander nodded, swallowing thickly. "Yeah," he agreed softly. "You're right."

They were silent, and Willow turned to lean against him, his chin resting lightly against the top of her head. They knew that Dawn was the only one who could feel the pain of having lost a sister, but they could relate to losing their best friend, and they gravitated to each other for comfort as they had their entire lives. The witch let her eyes slide closed, trying to force her muscles to relax against him.

She couldn't have said how long they'd been sitting there, but her eyes opened as she heard Dawn come back downstairs, meeting her eyes. The teen hesitated at the base of the stairs, moving toward the couch and dropping into the armchair in silence. "Dawnie," Willow started. "I didn't mean…Tara and I didn't mean to hurt you. What you saw…"

"It's okay, Willow," Dawn sighed tiredly. "You guys are in love, and you just got Tara back the way she was. I didn't mean to…sorry, Willow."

The redhead leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "Dawn, listen to me, okay? I love Tara, but it doesn't mean that we don't love you. You know that, right? We love you, Dawn. We're going to take care of you." She took a deep breath, her eyes seeing Tara lingering in the entryway. "I'm going to take care of all of us," Willow breathed, finding Dawn's eyes again. "I promise." Dawn swallowed thickly, nodding. "I'll take care of you," she repeated herself, blinking back tears.

Dawn turned her head as Tara cleared her throat softly. "Dinner's ready," she said, moving back into the kitchen without waiting for anyone.

Xander and Willow exchanged glances and Dawn waved them back, her thin shoulders slumped as she stood up. "Let me talk to her," she said. "I think I hurt her feelings earlier."

Tara was pulling plates out of the cabinet and she jumped in surprise when Dawn reached up beside her to collect glasses for them. "Dawn, you scared me," Tara said softly, feeling nervous, something she'd never gotten with Dawn.

"Tara, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said earlier. You and Willow…I know you guys love her too." Dawn took a shuddering breath, her eyes swimming with tears. "Please don't leave, Tara. Willow needs you, and we all need her."

Tara put the plates down immediately, drawing the younger girl into a tight hug, letting her cry against her shoulder. "I'm not leaving, sweetie. It's okay." She met Willow's eyes over Dawn's shoulder, tears sliding down her cheeks now.

Dawn was crying into her shirt, clinging to Tara. "It hurts so bad, Tara. She never wanted me. I should have stopped her. I shouldn't have let her jump. She was my sister! Xander and Willow! She was their best friend! She was the Slayer! She was Giles' Slayer! Mom died, and Buffy! Buffy was all I had left," she gasped, her sister's name shocking them all like a cold shower, or a slap to the face. "I'm all alone now," she whispered brokenly.

Tara hadn't noticed Willow or Xander moving, but they were suddenly there, their arms wrapping around them both. "You're not alone, Dawn," Xander said gruffly. "Buffy was part of all of us, our family. That includes you whether you like it or not."

She couldn't speak through her tears and Willow leaned her head against the taller girl's shoulder. "Family doesn't end at blood. Buffy was your sister, but she was mine too. I'm not ever going to forget that."

They stayed holding each other for several long minutes, tears drying cool and sticky on their faces. Dawn took a shaky breath, and Tara let her go slowly. "Buffy loved you, Dawn. You were her world," she whispered.

Dawn shook her head, fresh tears in her eyes. "I was the Key, Tara! You got hurt, she died, because I was the Key!"

"Buffy knew what she was doing," Xander told her, squeezing his eyes closed, his voice thick with tears. "She knew before we ever went to that tower that it was going to be her, or the end of the world. She never would have let you die, Dawn."

Willow took a shaky breath, knowing that Xander was telling the truth, but it didn't diminish her guilt that she'd expended too much energy bringing Tara back, that she might have been able to do something if she'd only had more power, more time, been less distracted. Her eyes found Tara and her guilt was drowned in love. She hated herself for it, but no matter the cost, she couldn't regret getting Tara back. Tara met her eyes, and could instantly see her lover's pain, a worried frown on her lips. Willow let her look linger for a moment before she schooled her face back into her carefully constructed mask of coping.

Tara sighed, letting her forehead lean against Dawn's head. "Dawn…"

"It's fine, guys. I'm not going to break," the younger girl interrupted. "I need you guys though. Please…"

"We're not going anywhere, Dawnie," Willow promised quietly. She combed her fingers through Dawn's long straight hair. "Come on, let's get something to eat," she prompted softly. "Xander's going to need to get to Giles' soon."

They moved away from each other, letting Dawn out of their tight embrace. Dawn didn't talk, just resumed gathering the glasses. Xander took a few from her, and Willow collected a pitcher of tea from the fridge. They ate in silence, the sun sinking lower in the sky outside. Dawn retreated back upstairs after picking at her food, reluctantly eating just enough to keep Willow and Tara from complaining. Xander's exit gave her an excuse to go back to her room, leaving the witches alone downstairs.

Willow lingered in the dining room after helping Tara clean up their dishes from dinner, her eyes locked on the bot on the coffee table. Tara sidled up beside her, squeezing her hand gently. "I know you have to work on the robot," she said softly. "But would it bother you if I laid on the couch and just watched? I'll be quiet."

Willow pressed a kiss to her cheek, thumb stroking gently over her skin. "Sweetheart, you could never bother me. You don't have to be quiet. I'd love it if you'd stay in here with me." She led Tara to the couch, watching as she got comfortable, tucking her under a blanket tenderly. "Okay?" she asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the couch and gently tracing the shape of Tara's face.

"Thank you," Tara whispered, shifting to look up at her. "Are you okay? I saw your face when Xander was talking…"

Willow glanced uncomfortably at the robot wearing her best friend's face, sighing heavily. "Tara…"

"You promised you'd talk to me, Willow," the blonde responded. "Please…"

"I traded my best friend…" Willow whispered, still without looking at her.

Tara's heart broke, and she squeezed her eyes closed tightly. "For me…Will, I'm so sorry…"

Willow shook her head, drawing in a shuddering breath. "I hate myself…" she whispered, not caring about the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "Tara, I do," she protested as the blonde shook her head. "Because I don't regret it. Even knowing that it cost us all Buffy, I can't change that I would have done it the same way every time."

Tara's hand on her leg drew her eyes and Willow let out a deep breath at the steel in Tara's eyes. It'd always been there, and she'd long been familiar with her partner's determined expression, infinitely more compelling than her own resolve face, but it'd never been shown so openly before. Lots of things were different now, since the Slayer was gone.

"You did _not_ kill Buffy," Tara said. "I was there, Willow. I was out of my mind for most of it, but I was there, and I saw what happened. Even if you hadn't saved me, Buffy was going to jump off that tower. There was nothing you could have done. Period."

Willow's mouth opened, tears sliding faster down her cheeks now, and Tara sat up quickly, kissing her hard. The redhead responded in kind, holding Tara to her tightly. "I can't lose you, Tara. I can't do it," she groaned as the kiss broke, her face buried in Tara's shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tara panted, breathing hard. "It wasn't your fault, Willow." Her hand slid into the back of her lover's hair. "I'm so sorry you feel like you had to choose between us."

Willow swallowed thickly. "I'm not sorry I chose you, Tara. Don't ever think that," she whispered.

"Shh," Tara hushed her. "I don't. I'm just sorry you feel like that was a decision you had to make." She pressed a kiss to Willow's hair. "I never wanted to hurt you like that."

Willow pulled back quickly, shaking her head. "Tara, no. Baby…"

"Willow…" Tara started to speak only to pause at the look on Willow's face. "We don't have to talk about this."

The redhead blinked, surprised. "But you said…you said we needed to talk…"

Tara's fingers slipped slowly through Willow's hair. "I don't know if you're ready to talk about this," she said regretfully. "It's too soon."

Willow shook her head stubbornly. "Tara, you need to know that I would've done anything to get you back."

"But you think that it was your choice that cost Buffy her life, and it wasn't. There was nothing you could have done, Willow," Tara answered immediately. Willow's jaw dropped to argue her side, stopping as Tara's hand slipped over her open mouth. "Shh, this is what I mean. We're still too close to this. We need to give it some time."

Willow leaned forward into Tara's hand, curling her fingers around Tara's palm, sliding it over her cheek. "I don't know if I can give it time. The more time I give it, the longer she's….gone."

Tara gave her a confused frown. "Willow…" She wanted to argue that every minute was just another minute that Buffy would be…gone, but the thought was too morbid and depressing. None of them needed more morbid and depressing. They were doing both of those well enough on their own. She finally just sighed heavily, curling her fingers through Willow's hair, pulling her closer, her lover's face pressing against her shoulder. "I love you, Willow," she whispered. She pressed a kiss to the side of Willow's face she could reach.

They were silent for a long while, Willow's tears drying on Tara's shirt. She could feel herself retreating inside, her soul rejecting the pain of losing Buffy, of everything that had happened. She needed to control the situation, control what she could. She knew what Tara would think about that, what Tara would say about that, and she tried to choke it down.

"You should work on the bot," Tara whispered. "Thank you for looking after me."

That wasn't strictly what had happened, but Willow knew immediately what Tara was doing, giving her something that she could control, something only she could do. And to top that, she'd pushed credit for calming her down back onto herself. "Tara…thank you. It's not enough to say, but thank you…"

Tara could hear Willow's frantic tone, voice rising in pitch, and she hushed her gently, taking a soft kiss. "Love, Willow, it's okay. You don't have to thank me. Just keep talking to me, and we'll be together, and it'll be…" She hesitated. Okay wasn't the right word, or good. "…better," she decided.

"It's got to be," Willow whispered in a voice loaded with bitterness. She lifted her head slowly to glare at the robot. "Any worse and we'll all be dead." Tara swallowed thickly, leaning back slowly so she was again lying on the couch, unconsciously drawing away from Willow. The redhead sighed in frustration, hitting herself on the forehead with the heel of her hand. "Tara, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm just losing it a little, I think, but I'll get it under control. It'll get…better."

Tara nodded, yawning uncontrollably. "Not everything has to be under your control, you know," Tara said softly, fighting sleep.

Willow leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know that."

Tara murmured, nudging her face up toward Willow. "Real kiss," she mumbled, eyes closed as one hand moved up slowly to tap her lips.

Willow smiled against her skin, helpless to resist. Tara's lips parted to meet hers and Willow pressed between them slowly, leaning on her elbow to get closer. They parted for breath and Willow shifted herself onto the couch, stretching her body on Tara's. "Okay?" she checked, kissing her again softly. "Too heavy?"

"You've barely eaten in a week," Tara whispered. "You're _losing_ weight, Will." Her hands traced over her girlfriend's sides, feeling her ribs as she dragged her nails up. Willow squirmed, feeling a shiver run down her spine. "It's not wrong to let people take care of you," she said quietly. "Let me." Her lips were dragging against Willow's as she spoke, and she leaned her head up to connect their lips more firmly.

Willow nodded quietly after several long, slow minutes as Tara let her lips go. "I'll do my best," she whispered. "But Tara…"

"I know you have to take care of everybody else, but just let me take care of you," the blonde whispered, taking another kiss. Willow moaned her agreement into their kiss, feeling Tara's arms curl around her. They separated after a few more long minutes, Willow nuzzling into Tara's shoulder, her body relaxing on top of Tara. "I know you need to work," Tara breathed quietly. "I'm probably about to fall asleep," she continued, one arm belying her words as she curled it around Willow's shoulder, holding her close. "I can let you go."

Willow let herself slip to Tara's side, snugly between her girlfriend and the back of the couch, her eyes closing. "Please don't," she mumbled softly. A tug had the blanket out from between them and their hands worked together to tuck Willow under it. They were both asleep within minutes, exhausted but together.


	3. Chapter 3

_Pick a star on the dark horizon  
And follow the light_

Tension ran high consistently once they were all in the house for the summer, nowhere to go and nothing to do but grieve and wait for Willow to finish with the robot. She'd gotten the bot walking and talking through constant hours of work, but she was still searching the programming, seated on the couch with her laptop for hours during the day. Tara, Xander, and Giles did their best to keep Dawn busy, keep themselves from sitting around moping.

Birds were chirping outside, but it was just giving Willow a headache as she leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting impatiently for the dripping coffee maker to finish its work. She rubbed tiredly at her temples, jumping as fingers other than her own took over. She recognized the touch a heartbeat later, leaning into Tara's hands with a groan. "That feels good," she said lowly, her eyes closed.

Tara pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her fingers moving slowly over Willow's temples. "When's the last time you slept?" she asked quietly with concern in her tone. They were all tired, but none of them were showing it like Willow was. "You never came to bed last night," she said preemptively, already feeling Willow's excuse whirling in her girlfriend's mind.

The redhead sighed heavily, opening her eyes slowly. "Tara…sorry. I guess I didn't." She blinked wearily, hearing the tell-tale gurgle of the coffeepot on the counter behind her as it started the last stage of its work. "Did you sleep?" she asked, glancing up at her.

Tara shrugged, fingers still moving over Willow's skin. "Some," she answered reluctantly.

"Dreams?" Willow asked softly, one of her own hands rising to push a piece of Tara's hair back behind her ear. The blonde nodded without speaking, and Willow sighed. "Tara, I'm so sorry. I should have come up and checked on you more."

Tara blinked, momentarily confused. "You were there?"

Willow nodded, frowning. "Of course I was." She grimaced apologetically, letting her fingers trace down the side of Tara's neck. "Not enough apparently. When I checked you were asleep, baby. Not sleeping good, but I was hoping you would settle down once I left."

Tara shook her head with a small smile. "Not likely. You're the only thing that makes me sleep better."

"I'll do better," Willow promised immediately. "I'm going to take care of you."

"You need to take care of yourself too, sweetie," Tara chided gently. "Coffee is not breakfast," she said, arching an eyebrow as the coffeemaker beeped, drawing Willow like a magnet. "Eat something," she directed firmly, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she took a step back, freeing Willow to do her work.

Willow was already reaching for a mug, but paused as Tara moved. "Wait, where are you going?" she asked.

"We're taking Dawn out. Shopping. I told you yesterday." Tara frowned. "You forgot?"

Willow shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess I did." She shuffled her feet, letting out a deep breath.

Tara watched her silently, moving back to her and wrapping her arms around her gently. "Anya and I are taking Dawn to the mall. Anya wants to look at some different stores, see if she can streamline sales at the Magic Box." She smiled, laughing quietly. "And Dawn just needs a distraction," she said more seriously.

"And you?" Willow prompted. "What do you need?"

The blonde arched an eyebrow at her. "There are so many ways I could answer that," she said honestly. She could see Willow's always busy brain working behind her eyes, undoubtedly trying to figure out how she could squeeze more hours out of the day, more precious time that she could be working or sleeping spent taking care of her instead. "Shoes," she said, knowing that it wasn't what either of them had meant. Willow blinked up at her, and Tara mustered a tired smile. "I need some new shoes. These are getting a hole in them," she said ruefully, holding one foot out in demonstration.

Willow swallowed thickly, nodding and blinking back sudden tears. It had been a few days since she'd cried, pushing her grief ruthlessly back to the back of her mind. She wasn't even sure why it was coming up now, when they were talking about shoes, but Tara saw it, brushing her lips gently over Willow's cheek. "You don't…" Willow took a shuddering breath. "You don't need anything…from me?" she asked hesitantly, dreading the answer. It felt like they'd all been drifting in the month since the events at the tower, she just hoped they hadn't drifted too far from each other.

Tara blinked, already nodding. "Oh, Willow, of course I do, honey! I need everything you can give me. I just don't want to push you too far. You're dealing with so much right now. I can't put anymore pressure on you."

Willow sighed heavily. "I think we might be too worried about each other, Tara. It's making us hold back from each other. Tell me what you need and I'll worry about how much pressure it's going to put on me."

"Willow…"

"Tara…" Willow echoed, copying her lover's weary tone. "Please…"

The blonde leaned forward, her forehead pressed against Willow's. "I need you to eat at least once today, and tonight I need you to come to bed and stay there." She gave Willow a pecking kiss, meeting her eyes. "With me," she added.

Willow gave her a look, biting her lip. "What do _you_ need, Tara?" she asked again.

Tara smiled weakly. "That is what I need," she stated. "Please?" she requested tiredly. "I'm being honest, Willow. I need to sleep, and you need to sleep, and I can't do that without you."

"Okay," Willow agreed, not thinking about the loss of time she could be working on the bot, on helping Giles and Spike with the patrols. She'd been staying awake through a combination of caffeine and spells, a fact she hadn't let Tara in on yet, sure that her lover would disapprove of her using magic to drive herself past her limits. All she could think of at the moment was Tara's arms around her, their bodies pressed together. Her eyes slid closed, and she nodded, leaning against her.

Tara felt Willow slump weakly against her and she tightened her arms around her. "I could stay home today," she suggested in a whisper. "There's plenty to do around here. I wouldn't get in your way."

"You never do," Willow responded. "But Dawn needs you." She lifted her head to smile tiredly. "You know you're her favorite. You make her feel better. You make us all feel better." She trailed fingers through Tara's long hair. "Love you," she whispered.

Tara smiled against her hair, holding her tightly. "Love you too," she said. "You sure you'll be okay here alone?"

Willow nodded. "I'll be fine," she said, yawning uncontrollably.

Tara looked doubtful, but pressed a kiss to the top of her lover's head as their arms loosened. "Okay, but no one would blame you if we came home and found you passed out on the couch." She tried a smile. "And if you want to go to bed, I promise you'll have company when you wake up."

Willow groaned, her forehead dropping forward against Tara's shoulder. "You…I need to work on the robot, Tara," she sighed reluctantly. "But I promise that tonight you won't be able to get rid of me. I need very badly to be snuggled."

"Then consider it done, my love," Tara assured her. "Now, give me a kiss," she requested. "We've got to pick up Anya." They could both hear Dawn's stomping steps on the stairs, but Willow didn't hesitate to lean in to fulfill Tara's request, kissing her softly. Dawn was in the doorway when they separated, but she was hiding a small smile.

"Good morning, Willow," she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

The redhead got her own mug and the younger girl poured her a cup. "You're too young to start drinking coffee," she said, spooning sugar into her mug.

Dawn rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her own black coffee. "Yeah, because you weren't younger than me when you started drinking coffee," she argued.

"Well, I'm not always the best example to follow, Dawnie," Willow said, giving her a smile over the lip of her cup.

Tara rolled her eyes, waving off Dawn's gesture to pour a cup of coffee for her. "Don't listen to her, Dawn. We're lucky to have Willow with us." She pressed a kiss to Willow's cheek. "I'll just go call Anya and let her know we're on our way."

Dawn nodded, taking another sip of her coffee. "I'll be done in a minute."

"No hurry," Tara said, giving her a smile as she moved into the hall. "Willow, remember what I said, okay? It's alright if you want to rest today."

"Yes, ma'am," Willow responded, saluting with one hand. "You guys have fun at the mall. Buy me a present," she joked.

Dawn laughed quietly, swallowing the last of her coffee. "Have a good day, Will. Good luck with the bot." She hesitated in the doorway, giving the witch a lingering look. "Tara's right, you know. You're looking beat, Willow. You should get some rest."

Willow smiled but didn't speak, nodding as Dawn left. She heard the pair leave, but she didn't move, leaning against the counter and sipping her coffee. After several minutes, sure that they were gone, she put her cup down and took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she stood up straight. She let her hands swing to her sides, flexing her fingers. The spell came to mind easily and she tried to remember how many times she'd used it in the last week, the last month since Buffy had been gone. The first week, two weeks, she'd run on adrenaline and caffeine, but the exhaustion and demands on her had risen at an equal and steady pace and she'd run out of ways to keep up naturally.

That's where the spells had come in. At first she only did it every few days, but it was growing more difficult to justify staying off of them when there was so much work to do, so much they all needed from her. This one would keep her up through the day, no nap required, but she wouldn't struggle to fall asleep tonight if she didn't use it again. Especially since she had the promise of company.

She murmured the spell, feeling the infusion of energy shoot through her body and she noticed that her hand was trembling as she reached for the coffeepot. She'd have to look for a new alternative. Once the shakes started, the period of useable energy was noticeably diminished the next time she tried the spell. Add the research to her list of chores for the day. Glaring impotently at her hand, she let out a deep breath as she poured herself a refill. She didn't have time for this.

Mugs of cold coffee and her laptop kept her occupied throughout the day, and she barely looked up when Tara and Dawn returned from their outing. She heard them putting bags away upstairs, and she smiled as Tara came back downstairs. "Did you find some shoes?" she asked, glancing distractedly at her computer, deleting a section of Warren's disgusting sex code.

"Yeah," Tara said, taking a seat beside her on the couch. "How'd it go today?"

Willow shrugged, still distracted by checking the code she'd taken out and replaced. "Um…some progress, I guess." She clicked the touchpad and Tara jumped as the bot sat up on the coffee table. "Oh, sorry. I just need to check one thing," she said, eyes scanning the computer screen as the robot's commands scrolled across.

The Buffy-bot turned to look at them, blinking as the personnel profiles scanned them, descriptions rolling across Willow's screen. "Hello Willow. Hello Tara. You are girlfriends. I'm very pleased about that," she announced cheerfully. "Are there vampires for me to kill on this lovely evening?" she asked. "Except for Spike. I would never hurt him. He's wonderful, brave, and strong. And very, very sexy."

Willow groaned in frustration, clicking the button again forcefully so that the robot slumped back down into standby. "Damn it," she muttered. "Must have missed something."

Dawn came down the stairs just then, the look on her face showing that she'd heard her sister's voice. She always had a pinched expression whenever she was around the Buffy-bot, simultaneously loving and hating the thing that walked and talked and _was_ just like her sister, her dead and buried sister. "Still not working?" she asked hoarsely.

Willow shook her head, eyes scrolling the computer screen. "No. Warren's code isn't organized normally at all. I can't find all of the gross stuff." She dropped her head into one hand, letting out a deep breath. "At least the combat and strength profiles are still there, so I don't have to rewrite them from scratch." She laughed bitterly. "And it only goes sex crazy anymore if Spike is actually in the room, because that was uncomfortable."

"How much longer do you think?" Dawn asked, taking a seat in the armchair.

Willow shrugged, rubbing at her eyes. "Next week, maybe?" She looked between the pair, mustering a weak smile. "How was the mall?" she asked, not wanting to talk about the bot.

"Crowded," Tara answered her, smiling softly. "Anya was in heaven though. All the money and consumerism."

Willow rolled her eyes tiredly. "I'm sure she was. Are she and Xander coming over for dinner?"

Tara nodded, leaning up to press a kiss to her temple. "Yep. So I need to get to work on it. Did Giles call? Is he coming over?"

Willow nodded, trying to remember what time it had been when he had called, hoping that it had actually been that day. After she'd been awake for more than two days, she started to lose track of what had happened when. "Um, yeah. He said he'd be here sometime tonight."

Tara frowned, but nodded. "Okay," she agreed slowly, seeing the exhaustion on her lover's face. "Can you do something for me while I'm cooking?"

Willow nodded, the effort it took her to muster energy obvious in her face. "Sure, cutie. What's up?"

"Go upstairs and lay down," Tara requested. "Or on the couch," she said, seeing Willow's head starting to shake. "Just, please lay down."

Willow swallowed, nodding. "Okay," she said tiredly. Tara didn't move from the doorway, waiting and watching until she put her feet up on the couch, leaning back against the arm. She felt her hands trembling and she quickly shoved them out of sight, rolling onto her stomach and crossing her arms under her head to conceal the shaking.

It didn't take long before the house was full of delicious smells, and Willow was surprised to realize that her stomach was growling loudly. It felt like days since she remembered being hungry and she tried to remember if she'd fulfilled Tara's requirement that she eat once that day. She satisfied her guilt by deciding that she would eat everything that was put on her plate at dinner, no matter how stuffed she felt.

"Dinner's ready," Tara's voice informed her, and she yawned as she sat up. The front door opened as she walked past and Xander, Anya, and Giles let themselves in. "Good timing," Tara declared with a smile as Giles took a plate from her, putting it on the table. Xander went into the kitchen to pick up the rest of the food while the others took seats at the table. Willow glanced down as Tara took her hand under the table, their joined digits resting on Willow's thigh. "Did you sleep any?" she asked softly.

Willow glanced at her guiltily, shaking her head. "No, sorry," she answered, squeezing Tara's hand to keep her lover from noticing her fingers trembling. She smiled weakly. "I'm sure you can get me to sleep later."

"Sooner rather than later," Tara agreed, kissing her temple. "Like after dinner sooner," she clarified, giving Willow a scrutinizing look. "Are you okay?" she asked, apparently seeing something that concerned her, and Willow tensed unconsciously.

The redhead swallowed, nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay. Why do you ask?"

Tara blinked in surprise, frowning. "Because I love you," she answered, brushing fingers through Willow's hair. "Willow?"

Willow shook her head preemptively. "Tara, I'm just tired," she said, sighing heavily. "Of course I know you love me, baby." Her stomach growled, and Tara gave her a disapproving look, sighing.

"You didn't eat today, did you?" Tara asked knowingly, voice almost resigned.

Willow slumped in her chair, squeezing Tara's hand again. "I don't remember," she confessed honestly.

Tara curled her fingers through the back of Willow's hair, her concern obvious. "Willow, I'm really worried about you, hon."

Willow looked guilty, slouching further. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"You don't have to apologize," Tara told her. "Just talk to me. Please," she requested. "Can we talk? Tonight?"

The redhead glanced sideways at her, nodding. "Yeah, of course," she said just as her stomach growled again.

"First dinner, though," Tara prompted, smiling sadly. Willow nodded, dutifully scooping food onto her plate.

It was only after dinner, and patrol, and another attempt to fix the bot that they were alone together again. Tara looked up from the dresser as Willow shuffled into their bedroom, the redhead pushing her hair back with one hand. "Any luck?" Tara asked softly.

Willow shook her head, obviously frustrated. "No. Luck is not something I have anymore, I guess." She smiled bitterly. "The way it's been going, I can't even get lucky," she complained.

Tara lifted an eyebrow at her, surprising them both by laughing. "I wouldn't say that, Willow," she corrected her girlfriend, smiling crookedly as Willow perked up. "You're barely holding your eyes open right now though, baby."

"I have something I need to tell you," Willow blurted suddenly.

Tara blinked, nodding. "Okay, sweetie." She paused, mustering a smile with effort. "It's not a confession related to getting lucky, is it?" she asked sarcastically.

Willow looked surprised, and it took her several seconds to call up an outraged expression. "Tara!" she rebuked her weakly. "Of course not!"

"I was teasing, Willow," Tara assured her. "I know you would never…"

Willow nodded wearily. "Except for that one time," she agreed. "But never again. How could I ever possibly find anyone I love more than you?" she asked, yawning widely.

"Come on, you goof. Let's go to bed," Tara said, moving across the room to where Willow was lingering at the door, mind too hazy to realize that she hadn't moved to put pajamas on, to do any of her nightly rituals to get ready for bed. She looked down as Tara took her hand, reacting too late to pull it away from her and the blonde blinked as she recognized Willow's trembling hand. "Honey, why are you shaking?" she asked seriously, pinning her with a look.

The redhead sighed, swallowing thickly. "I've, um…I've been using…"

"Using what?" Tara asked when Willow hesitated, her fingers jumping under Tara's hand, the twitching worse as the spell reached its final stretch of effectiveness.

Willow didn't look at her, eyes locked on their hands. "Spells," she answered.

"Spells for what?" Tara asked, frowning.

"To stay awake mostly."

Tara squeezed her eyes closed. "When is the last time you slept?" she asked flatly.

"I don't remember," Willow said. "After a few days it all kind of runs together." She finally looked up, seeing Tara's anxiety and disappointment in her expression. "I'm sorry. I know you're mad at me, but I have too much to do to sleep, and coffee wasn't doing it anymore, and I didn't know what else to do. The spells make it easier."

"Yeah, they do that," Tara chimed in, tone bordering between anxious and angry. "But at what cost, Willow?" She held Willow's shaking hand up in front of her eyes. "Look at this! You're shaking! Honey…get in bed, now," she directed firmly.

Willow looked properly abashed, her head hanging, and she didn't even kick off her shoes as she followed Tara's instructions. She was moving to pull the blankets over herself when Tara's hands caught the sheets.

"You can take your clothes off first, sweetie," Tara said, untying her shoes for her. Her expression hadn't changed, still anxious, but Willow hoped she had correctly detected a hint of a hidden smile.

Willow let her guide her jeans off, catching Tara's hand as the blonde turned to put her jeans into the hamper. "Tara, I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't like it. I just couldn't…I needed to do it."

"You need to stop," Tara said firmly. "You need to sleep, Willow! Really sleep. No spells, and no coffee. Baby, our lives are not your problem to solve. We're partners. We need to work together. You have to let me help you." She knelt next to the bed, tucking Willow in carefully. "Give me something to do," she directed.

Willow was silent, blinking tiredly. "Tara…" she sighed finally. "Lay down with me?" she requested, voice small.

Tara wilted, her annoyance draining away as she focused on how small her lover seemed under the sheets, how tired. "Willow." Her girlfriend's name was a soft sigh. She slid one hand over the blanket down Willow's side. "Scoot over," she said, smiling slowly.

Willow moved sluggishly, but obeyed, not letting go of Tara's hand. "Thank you," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. Tara nodded, toeing her shoes off. Willow knew it would be easier if she let Tara's hand go, the blonde flicking the buttons of her blouse open with one hand, leaving her covered in a tank top as she shrugged out of her shirt. Willow watched her, swallowing thickly as Tara left her clothes on the floor and slid under the covers with her. Her eyes slid closed as she curled into Tara's shoulder, her arm wrapping around her girlfriend's waist, yawning.

"We need to talk about this, Willow," Tara chided gently.

Willow didn't lift her head, feeling a headache coming. "I know," she mumbled. She drew in a deep, shuddering breath, trying to drag herself back from the edge of sleep she'd been rocketing toward. "Tara…"

"Hush," the blonde breathed. "I didn't mean right now." She kissed the top of Willow's head. "Sleep." She yawned herself, her arm curling tighter around her girlfriend. "I love you," she whispered, feeling a need to say it, reassure Willow that that would never change. They didn't fight often, or even disagree that much, so this tension between them made her nervous and uncomfortable.

"Love you too." Willow's quiet mumble was breathed into her neck, the redhead already mostly unconscious. "So much, Tara." Tara let her eyes close, holding Willow close. She was surprised how quickly she fell asleep, comforted by her girlfriend's presence in her arms.

A nightmare several hours later sent her eyes shooting open, heart pounding and breathing hard, the pre-dawn darkness visible through the window. Tara could feel sweat sliding down her temples, and she moved to lift one hand to cover her eyes, surprised to realize that her arm was pinned down. She tilted her chin down to see that Willow's arm was slung over her middle. The redhead was still asleep, sprawled haphazardly on her stomach.

Tara lifted her lover's arm gently, Willow mumbling as the blonde shifted. Tara didn't move far, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek. Willow's arm curled tighter, pulling Tara back to her. The redhead shifted, her eyes blinking open. "You okay?" she breathed lowly, curling herself into Tara's back. She pressed a sleepy kiss to the back of Tara's neck. She dragged herself awake slowly. "Did you have a nightmare, baby?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep," Tara whispered, sliding one hand over Willow's on her stomach, feeling the sweat cooling on her face.

Willow ignored her, leaning up on one elbow to get closer, leaning her head against Tara's. "Talk to me, Tara." She pressed a kiss behind her ear. "That's why I'm here."

Tara was silent for a long moment, taking a deep breath. "Is that why you're here?"

Willow frowned, stiffening behind her. "Hey," she said, pulling gently on Tara's shoulder, guiding her onto her back so their eyes could meet. "What does that mean?" she asked quietly.

The blonde shook her head minutely, blinking up at her. "You have more important things to do than keeping an eye on me. Go back to sleep…"

"Tara, no!" Willow protested immediately, cutting her off. "You think I'm only here to keep an eye on you?" she asked. "Honey, I know I'm doing a completely crap job of showing you lately, but you're the most important person in the world to me. I should have been coming to bed with you."

"The nightmares are getting better," Tara protested weakly. "I shouldn't have made you feel bad about it. I'm just worried about you."

Willow stopped her with a kiss, Tara leaning up to chase her lips as she started to pull back. "The reason I'm in this bed with you is because I love you, and I can't sleep without you, and I shouldn't have been trying to stay up all the time. I should have been taking care of you." She kissed her again, longer this time. "I miss you, Tara. I miss being with you, and holding onto you while we're falling asleep, and waking up because you're kissing me, and waking you up because I can't stand not touching you for one more second. Tara, I miss you, and I'm so sorry that I've been so distant the last few weeks. Please forgive me," she requested. "I don't want to lose you because I'm being an idiot."

Tara pursed her lips, displeased by Willow being so harsh with herself. "You're not going to lose me, Willow. And you're not an idiot. Don't say stuff like that."

"You're not happy with me," Willow stated. "Using those spells to stay awake."

Tara blinked in surprise. "I didn't expect you to bring that up," she confessed.

Willow frowned. "I don't like hiding things from you, Tara. I don't like how things are going at all, actually. And it's my fault. You're an angel to me, to everyone, and I just screw up. I know it, and I'm sorry."

"Willow, stop it!" Tara chided.

The redhead shook her head. "Tara, no. I'm losing control of everything here, and I don't know how to fix it…"

"Let us help you," Tara answered her firmly. "Let _me_ help you."

"Let's go away," Willow said suddenly. "You and me."

Tara frowned, looking at her closely. "Will, we can't leave Dawn," she protested. "Or Xander or Giles."

Willow blinked, shaking her head. "No, not like that. Just for a weekend or something like that. Or maybe just a night," she said, already working logistics out in her head, already finding a dozen reasons why she couldn't leave.

Tara could see her talking herself out of it and spoke up quickly. "A weekend," she said, "Two days. You need them, Willow." She hesitated. "I could stay here…"

Willow shook her head, fingers pushing hair behind her ear. "I need two days _and _you," she said softly. "Please Tara."

The blonde nodded, leaning up to press her forehead against Willow's neck. "Sweetie, of course."

"Okay, I'll get every arranged," Willow said quickly, blinking as Tara covered her mouth with a hand, shaking her head. "No?" she asked in confusion, voice muffled.

Tara shook her head again, smiling. "This is exactly what I mean, Willow. You have to let me help you with things like this." She let her hand slide off of Willow's mouth, fingers dragging over her neck. "Please, honey, you don't have to do everything on your own."

Willow nodded, letting out a deep breath. She didn't speak for a moment, smiling weakly. "You'll be patient with me, right? You know I'm trying. It's just hard for me."

Tara nodded, leaning up to kiss her forehead. "Willow, I know that." She let out a deep breath of her own, pulling Willow's head to her shoulder. She scratched her fingers gently over her girlfriend's shoulders, shivering as Willow's breath tickled her neck. "I'll take care of the plans tomorrow, okay? Can you just stay here? Don't leave, don't go work on something. Just stay with me," she requested tiredly.

Willow nodded against her, breathing deeply. "Bad dream?"

Tara just nodded. "Better with you here."

Willow sighed. "Tara, I'm sorry…"

"Stop," the blonde interrupted her. "Just stop apologizing, Willow. You can't do everything, and there's no reason you should think you have to do it all!" She blinked, shaking her head. "Honey, I'm sorry. That was harsh. Just let me help you. Let all of us help you. I know you're trying, sweetie."

Willow nodded. "Just don't give up on me, okay?"

"No way," Tara whispered, already feeling more relaxed as Willow's arms tightened around her. "Thank you, Willow," she breathed.

The redhead nodded, squeezing her eyes closed. "You should never have had to beg me to go on vacation with you."

"It was your idea," Tara reminded her, smiling. "And thank you. I've really missed you." She pressed a kiss to the top of her girlfriend's head. "In addition to being worried out of my mind about you."

"Sor…" Willow stopped herself with an effort, laughing quietly against Tara's shirt. "I love you. You know that, right?"

Tara nodded. "I do," she agreed softly. "Thank you, Willow. I know it's not easy for you, but thank you for trusting me. Thanks for trying, at least."

"I do trust you, Tara," Willow promised tiredly.

Tara hushed her with a kiss. "Just show me," she requested. "Let me help you." Willow nodded, yawning helplessly. Tara guided Willow's head to her shoulder, curling herself protectively around her. "Sleep," she directed softly. It was the last thing Willow heard.


	4. Chapter 4

_It started out as a feeling…_

Willow blinked blearily as she woke up, sprawled facedown in the sheets. "Tara?" she asked, her neck popping loudly as she turned her head to look for her. The sound of paper crinkling drew her attention and her eyes focused on a sheet of paper that had been placed next to her face. She picked it up, squinting for a moment before Tara's familiar handwriting swam into focus.

"_You looked like you were sleeping good (finally!) so I left you to it. I'm downstairs whenever you wake up. Love you."_

The note was unsigned, but Willow didn't need to see her name to know who it was from. She pushed herself up, groaning as her stiff joints creaked. A look at the clock revealed that it was after one in the afternoon. She stiffened, groaning as her muscles screamed in protest at the movement. She dragged herself into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face before getting dressed in silence, moving gingerly as she realized that her entire body felt like she'd spent hours being beaten to a pulp.

Tara was at the stove when she limped into the kitchen. The blonde took one look over her shoulder at Willow before abandoning her cooking and rushing to support her girlfriend, helping her onto a stool at the kitchen island. "Honey, you look awful," Tara gasped, brushing her hair back tenderly.

"Gee, thanks," Willow commented hoarsely, grimacing at her scratchy voice.

"Did you look in the mirror?" Tara countered immediately.

Willow shook her head, swallowing dryly. "Can I…?" Tara was moving before she finished the request, bringing a glass of water to her within a minute. Willow gulped it down, surprised how thirsty she was once she started drinking.

"You didn't notice the side effects, did you?" Tara asked softly.

Willow nodded, grimacing at the ache in her neck. "Yeah, but I didn't think they would be this bad," she admitted.

"They aren't if you only use it once," Tara commented, holding one hand to Willow's forehead, checking for a fever. She sighed, raking her fingers through Willow's hair.

"I'll be fine," Willow said weakly, coughing on her water.

Dawn came into the kitchen just then, gaping in horrified surprise at Willow. "What happened to you?" she demanded. "Xander!"

He rushed into the kitchen, skidding to a halt behind Dawn and staring at Willow. "Whoa!"

"How come you didn't say she got hurt?" Dawn asked, crossing thin arms over her chest.

"She didn't!" Xander protested. "I haven't even seen her in two days!"

"Two days?" Willow questioned groggily. "I saw you last night."

Xander and Dawn exchanged looks before turning their heads simultaneously to look at Tara. "Sweetie, it's Thursday," she said softly. "You've been asleep since Monday night."

Willow gaped at her, groaning. "What? How?"

Tara gave her a pointed look. "You know how."

"How come she's got black eyes?" Dawn demanded. "You guys didn't fight, did you?"

Willow shook her head, groaning again. "No, of course not," she answered. "I'm just an idiot. It was an accident." Tara didn't object and Willow sighed, her eyes falling to her lap.

Xander glanced between the witches, feeling the tension between them. "Well, I'm glad you woke up before you slept through your vacation," he commented. "Hope your face gets better." The girls all sent him simultaneous looks and he was quick to clarify. "Your eyes. Before you go on vacation." They were all still staring at him and he bolted for the stove. "Is this lunch? Good," he said without waiting for an answer. "I'll just go put it on the table." He dashed from the room without another word. Dawn followed him with an unsure smile, picking up on the tension between the witches.

Willow glanced up. "How mad are you?" she asked softly.

Tara sighed. "Don't make me the bad guy, Willow." She lifted Willow's chin to meet her eyes and Willow could see how worried Tara had been, and still was, about her.

"Sorry," she sighed. "I won't do it again. The spell, I mean. And making you the bad guy. I didn't mean to. I'll figure out something else to stay awake," she promised. Tara nodded, squeezing her eyes closed. "How did it go, the last two days?"

The blonde smiled ruefully. "Fine, Willow. The world won't fall apart if you sleep regularly."

"Two days straight isn't regular, Tara," Willow objected.

"It's going to be regular from now on," Tara stated firmly, pinning her with a look. "At least seven hours every night." Willow closed her jaw with a click, nodding finally as her eyes dropped again. Tara let out a deep breath, nudging Willow's knees apart gently and taking a step closer to stand between her legs. "Hey," she prompted, drawing Willow's eyes up. "I'll be there with you," she promised, smiling.

Willow stretched, curling her arms around Tara's waist. "You promise? You'll stay with me?" she asked, voice soft and deliberately childlike. She threw in a lip bite for good measure, knowing she was caught when Tara rolled her eyes. "Too much?" she asked, smirking.

"You goof," Tara said, laughing. "Come here," she prompted, hugging her gently. "How do you feel? Really? Any pain?"

"I'm pretty sore," Willow agreed reluctantly. "And my head is kind of doing this throbby thing."

Tara moved away from her before Willow could grab her, collecting some aspirin from a drawer and refilling the water glass before taking her spot back between Willow's legs. "Here," she prompted, holding the pills to her lover's lips. "Take them," she said as Willow gave her a look.

Willow swallowed the medicine reluctantly, leaning her forehead against Tara's chest. "Thanks," she whispered, sliding her hand down Tara's arm. She frowned as her fingers encountered a freshly scabbed over scrape on her girlfriend's arm, turning it over to look at it. "What happened here?" she asked, looking up at Tara.

"Oh, um, I fell," Tara said, glancing down at it distractedly. "Nothing big."

"Fell?" Willow demanded. "What do you mean, fell? Fell where?"

Tara shook her head, stroking her hand over the scratch. "Out on patrol."

"Patrol?" Willow yelped. "You went on patrol? I was asleep, and you went on patrol _without me_?"

Tara blinked, surprised. "Yeah…" she said slowly, not sure what Willow was yelping about.

Willow didn't speak, grabbing Tara's hand and pulling her into the dining room with her. Spotting Xander, she pointed at him firmly. "Hey! Who is responsible for this?" she demanded, pointing out the scratch. "Who took Tara out?"

He lifted both hands defensively. "Wasn't me! Anya and I were here with you and Dawn."

"Willow, stop it! I offered to go out," Tara said, pulling back on her arm to bring her girlfriend to face her. She glanced over Willow's shoulder where Xander was shrugging apologetically and she sighed, pulling Willow back into the kitchen. "Honey, what's wrong?" Willow was staring down at the scratch and she mumbled something Tara couldn't hear. "What?" Tara asked, lifting her chin with her free hand.

"Anything could have happened," Willow said softly. "I wasn't there to protect you, Tara."

The blonde let out a huff of frustration, abruptly dropping Willow's hand as she spun to face the counter. Willow was quick to press herself into Tara's back. "You have to stop this," Tara said, not reacting as Willow's arms curled around her waist.

"Stop protecting you?" Willow asked, her voice soft as she breathed quietly into the back of Tara's neck. "I can't do that."

"Stop thinking that you have to control everything," Tara corrected her. "I _can_ take care of myself, Willow. I did it for eighteen years, I could do it again." She squeezed her eyes closed as she spoke, her body stiff against Willow's.

"Is that what you want?" Willow whispered.

"No!" Tara said sharply. "Stop taking everything in the worst possible way," she said, her voice losing its strength as she relaxed against Willow. "You know I need you," she said softly, feeling Willow's lips drag against her skin as she nodded. "And I love you, Willow." She turned in her arms. "But I hate all the stress you put on yourself. There's no need. I went on patrol and _nothing_ happened."

"But it could have!"

Tara stopped her with a kiss, not letting her withdraw, but pulling her closer and holding her face close as she deepened the kiss. They separated gradually, Willow's eyes closed. "Nothing happened, Willow." She smiled cautiously as Willow's eyes opened. "As if Spike or Giles would let anything happen to me," she reminded her.

"Not if they want to keep breathing," Willow groused. "Or whatever Spike does," she corrected herself, grimacing cutely as she tried to figure it out. Tara laughed, kissing between her eyes.

Her eyes widened as Willow yawned, and she smiled. "Sleepy?"

"Yes, actually," Willow said, complaining tone obvious.

"Good," Tara declared happily. "Back to bed with you," she said, swatting Willow's butt toward the stairs.

Willow didn't move, pouting. "I can't go back to bed," she protested. "I just woke up after spending two days in bed. I have stuff to do."

Tara sighed, hugging her. "Okay," she relented reluctantly. "But no spells to stay awake. When you're too tired, we'll go to bed, alright?"

Willow nodded, already distracted. "Wait, 'we?'" she asked, smiling hopefully.

Tara laughed, turning her head to press a kiss to her cheek. "Yes, 'we,'" she agreed.

Willow yawned helplessly, leaning into her as Tara's kisses moved across her neck. "So, where are we going on vacation?" she asked breathily.

Tara paused, lips still pressed against her skin. "I was expecting you to try and get out of going," she confessed honestly, her voice quiet.

Willow sighed. "Tara…would you let me?"

"No," Tara responded simply. "You need this, Willow. _We_ need this. It's two days! Can you give me two days?"

"Yes," the redhead agreed. "Anything, Tara."

Tara sighed, lifting her head to meet Willow's eyes. "Shh, I know you're trying, sweetie. Thank you."

Willow stretched, yawning again. "So, where are we going on vacation?" she asked, resting her head against Tara's shoulder and curling her arms around her waist.

"L.A.," Tara answered, rubbing her back gently. "Angel's still out of town and Cordelia said we could stay at their hotel." She sighed. "Sorry it's not anything better. We're kind of on a budget, and…"

"Tara, it's perfect," Willow interrupted without lifting her head. "It's a non-Hellmouth city with you."

Tara laughed, supporting Willow as the redhead leaned against her. "Honey, I think you're going to pass out. You're not even keeping your eyes open," she said softly.

Willow jerked herself awake, groaning into Tara's shoulder. "I'm awake," she said, voice slurred. She straightened her back, blinking as she stood up, steadying herself with a hand on Tara's arm. "I need to work on the bot. I'm behind schedule." The spell that would give her the energy she needed was echoing in her brain, so simple and effective. One look at Tara's face and she pushed it out of her head firmly, determined to do what Tara had asked of her.

Tara sighed, but didn't argue. "Okay, baby. Once you get sleepy, though, we'll go to bed, alright?"

"Okay," Willow agreed on a yawn, smiling. "Hopefully I'll be better company tonight."

Tara shook her head, laughing softly. "As long as you're there, I don't mind at all if you're asleep, Willow. It is our bed. That's what you do in bed."

"Not all we do," Willow corrected her with an arched eyebrow. "Not all we used to do, anyway…"

Tara laughed again, stroking her fingers through the back of Willow's hair. "Well, we _are_ going out of town for the weekend," she reminded her. "And you've been asleep for the last two days…It's been pretty lonely."

Willow smirked. "Yeah, well I don't want you to be lonely. You're a beautiful woman. There'll be a line around the block to take my place if I let you get away."

Tara huffed, swatting her girlfriend's arm. "You shush. You're not easily replaced, my love." She blinked, staring at Willow as the redhead's smirk faded into something else. "Impossible really."

Willow bit her lip, feeling her heart beat faster. It really had been too long since she'd shown Tara proper appreciation. She'd been so busy trying to put their lives back together that her life with Tara felt like it had been put on hold. She took a deep breath, feeling sudden sharp relief that it hadn't fallen further apart while she had been so thoroughly distracted.

"Honey, Tara…" she started, voice low.

Tara shushed her, pulling her into a hug. "I know, Willow," she agreed softly. Her head leaned against Willow's. "Love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Willow replied, curling her arms tighter around her girlfriend. Her fingers brushed the scrape on Tara's arm and she sighed. "I wish I could take you away from all this," she lamented softly.

Tara laughed quietly. "I know, baby. But this life, horrible as it is most of the time, you wouldn't be who you are without it." She pressed a kiss to Willow's neck without lifting her face. "And I love who you are. And you could never walk away." She squeezed her gently, pulling back slowly to meet her lover's eyes. "And, sweetie, I would never ask you to," she promised softly. "I just want you to be careful, Willow."

The redhead could see Tara's still present concern and wished she could make it vanish. "I know," she assented quietly. "And I'll try and stop acting like a spaz," she added with a self deprecating smile.

Tara blinked, giving her a smile. "Now, baby, I'm not asking for miracles!" she said, laughing as Willow's jaw dropped.

The redhead poked her side teasingly, wrapping her other arm more firmly around Tara as the blonde tried to squirm away. "I don't think so!" Willow said, tickling her. They stumbled as they scuffled playfully, neither sure where the levity was coming from, but grateful for it nonetheless. They stopped as they ran into the kitchen island, both giggling helplessly.

Willow looked up as Xander cleared his throat from the doorway, seeing him and Dawn watching them. "Lunch is ready," he commented, smiling at them in obvious relief. They had all noticed the growing tension Tara had been trying to hide during the two days Willow had been unconscious, obviously something to do with the redhead, but she'd been silent about the cause.

"Oh, yeah, we're coming," Willow agreed, glancing down as Tara took her hand. "Thanks, Xand."

"Don't thank me," he said, pointing. "Tara made it."

Willow grinned, arching an eyebrow with a helpless yawn as she looked at her girlfriend. "Thank you," she said softly, the words meaning so much more than the simple phrase could convey. "Whatcha cookin' good lookin'?" she asked with a smirk. "Or, rather, what _did _you cook? Still the good looking part, though. Because you're very good looking."

Tara laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You can stop sucking up, sweetheart. I know you like me."

Willow nodded, curling her arms around Tara's waist. "I love you," she corrected her. "And you're a gorgeous woman." Tara swatted lightly at her girlfriend's arms, but Willow didn't let go and Tara pulled her along toward the dining room, the redhead's socks sliding on the floor.

Willow slid into her seat, pulling Tara down into her lap and turning them together to deliver Tara into the chair beside her, both laughing.

"Someone's giddy," Dawn commented, smiling with only a tinge of sadness tainting the expression. She couldn't help feeling guilty about it, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling glad that Willow and Tara had started to regain their normal life, even a life without Buffy. "Excited about vacation?" she asked as she passed a plate to Willow.

The redhead nodded, obviously eager. She bit her lip, glancing sidelong at Tara as she scooped food onto her plate. "Definitely," she agreed around a mouthful of food. "What?" she questioned with her mouth full as Xander laughed and she caught Tara's look. "I was asleep for two days. I'm starving!"

"You _are_ too skinny," Tara agreed, leaning over to press a kiss to her temple as she put another serving of food onto Willow's plate.

Willow stuck her tongue out in defiance, but took another big bite. The others ate more slowly, each laughing at the redhead's voracious appetite. Once the table was cleared of food, thanks in large part to Willow, they split into their normal routines. Xander met up with Spike and Giles for a patrol, Dawn took a seat in front of the TV, using it as an excuse to linger near where Willow was working on the Buffy-bot, getting a macabre sense of peacefulness around the robot. Tara cleaned up after their meal and joined Dawn on the couch, though the television was just a distraction from her focus on Willow.

The redhead was showing no new symptoms of pain, but her black eyes were settling in, dark and swollen, while the skin around her eyes was pale and surrounded by sickly yellow rings. Tara settled into the couch between Willow and Dawn, hand landing deliberately on Willow's closer thigh, fingers moving slowly over her skin. She was looking at the television when Willow looked over at her, but the blonde's fingers tightened briefly on her leg and Willow bit back a smile.

She managed to get some work done on the robot in spite of the distraction, but was yawning before the clock had reached double digits. Tara's eyes snapped to her as soon as the yawn escaped and Willow chuckled quietly. "You don't have to come," she commented softly.

Tara shook her head. "I want to."

"But it's early. You can't be tired," Willow protested.

Tara glanced the other way where Dawn was still sitting and watching TV and she leaned in prudently, talking into Willow's ear. "I want to come to bed with you, Willow," she stated firmly.

"And of course you had to say it like that," the redhead groaned quietly, laughing with a tired smile.

The blonde kissed her softly, one hand tucking red hair behind Willow's ear. "Shh, just to sleep. Can I just hold you?" she asked, voice low. Willow nodded without speaking, swallowing thickly. "Thank you," Tara said, smiling at her as Willow's fingers slid through hers. "Dawnie, we're going to bed. Don't stay up too late, okay?" she prompted, giving Dawn a kiss on the cheek.

Willow groaned as she stood up, joints stiff and muscles sore from sitting still. She caught Tara's sigh and straightened her spine slowly. Tara curled her arm around Willow's waist supportively, the redhead leaning heavily on her. They moved slowly toward the stairs, Willow limping. Tara helped her up the stairs and onto a seat on the bed before closing the door to their room and collecting some clothes for Willow to sleep in.

The redhead blinked down at her as Tara dropped to her knees in between Willow's legs, pulling her socks off slowly and rubbing her feet gently. Willow's eyes dropped closed, a groan tearing from her throat. "Tara," she gasped, holding herself up on shaky arms. "I thought we were going to bed."

"We are," Tara responded, her hands still moving over the tension she could feel in Willow's feet. "Just relax, sweetheart." She pressed a kiss to Willow's knee, smiling against her skin. She looked up to see Willow's eyes closed tightly, the redhead breathing deeply. "Let's get you lying down," she said, sliding her hands up both of Willow's legs.

"I love when you say that," Willow groaned, eyes still closed tightly and she smiled.

Tara laughed, one hand swatting at Willow's hips. "Up," she directed. "I'm going to take your pants off."

"Mmh, that's a good one too," Willow said, voice low as she obeyed.

"Arms up," Tara prompted next, sliding Willow's shirt up over her head. She slid a t-shirt over her head and guided her down onto the sheets, pressing a kiss to Willow's forehead. "I love you."

Willow moaned happily, one hand finding Tara's arm. "And there's my favorite," she breathed softly. Her eyes blinked open slowly. "Thank you," she whispered, yawning.

Tara nodded, brushing one finger across the deep bruised shadows under Willow's eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Willow thought it over, snuggling into the sheets. "Achy," she yawned.

"Do you want more medicine?" Tara asked.

Willow shook her head. "No, thank you. I just want to be snuggled." She sighed, glancing away. "And I kind of deserve what I get, don't I?"

Tara slipped her fingers over Willow's mouth, sitting next to her on the bed. "Honey…I was mad, but I would _never_ want you to be in pain. You know that, right?"

Willow nodded. "I know that," she whispered.

"You don't have to punish yourself, sweetie," Tara whispered. "Just be careful, okay?" she requested, brushing her hand over Willow's face. "Do you want some medicine?" she asked again. Willow nodded quietly and Tara retrieved some aspirin from their bathroom. Willow took it quietly and watched as Tara changed into her pajamas and joined her in the bed. The redhead snuggled back into her lover, Tara's arms curling tightly around her waist. She pressed a kiss behind Willow's ear, breathing deeply.

"Thank you for cuddling with me," Willow whispered softly.

Tara laughed, feeling Willow's hand stroke gently down her arm, entwining their fingers. "Of course."

"I hope it's not too boring for you," Willow said around a yawn. "I don't think I can stay awake much longer…"

Tara shook her head against Willow's. "Go ahead. I could never be bored holding you, Willow." She heard Willow's unintelligible reply, a soft mumble as the redhead relaxed fully against her, being dragged inexorably to sleep. Tara pushed her anxious worry for Willow to the back of her mind, focusing instead on her girlfriend's presence in her arms. They were still in a bad situation, but it would get better. And all that mattered at the moment was that Willow was with her and sleeping peacefully.

Willow woke up as Tara jerked behind her several hours later, caught in the throes of a nightmare. The redhead jumped as her girlfriend hit her unintentionally, turning quickly to catch her hands. "Tara! Honey, wake up. I'm right here," she said, struggling to hold her wrists. "Tara, wake up!"

The blonde's eyes shot open suddenly and Tara gasped a name that sent Willow's blood running suddenly icy in her veins. Tara was sweating and she jerked her arms from Willow's grip, not appearing to see Willow as she bolted from the bed. Willow could hear her being sick in the bathroom and she kicked furiously at the sheets that had somehow entwined themselves around her feet.

Tara was leaning over the toilet on her knees, and Willow pulled her hair back gently, stroking her back soothingly with the other hand. Tara continued to be sick until she had nothing left, choking and spitting the last bitter remnants of her dinner. Her hand scrabbled blindly to flush, but she didn't move to stand up, leaning against the base of the cabinet instead and breathing deeply as she tried to catch her breath.

Willow wet a towel in the sink and dropped to her knees in front of Tara, using the washcloth to wipe tears from her face gently. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly. Tara nodded, not speaking. There was fear haunting her eyes and Willow swallowed thickly. "You said her name," she said after a moment of hesitation.

"I know," Tara choked out hoarsely, grimacing. "Can you get me some water?" she requested.

Willow nodded, standing up to run the tap. She looked down worriedly as Tara pushed off of her leg to lean back over the bowl, dry heaving helplessly. Willow left the water running and dropped behind her, rubbing her back anxiously, frustrated at how little she could do to help.

After several long minutes, Tara leaned back weakly, cradled immediately by Willow. "I've got you, Tara. I'm right here," she breathed soothingly. One hand scrabbled blindly on the counter for the water glass, spilling a little as she bumped it. Tara sipped it slowly, waiting to see if her stomach would revolt against the liquid, but she drank faster as she managed to keep it down. Willow curled one hand around to stroke lightly over Tara's stomach. "Bad one?"

Tara nodded, leaning back against her and burrowing her face into Willow's neck. "Yes." She sighed heavily. "They had been getting better."

Willow took a deep breath, hesitant to bring up the nightmare that had so thoroughly shaken Tara. "Are you going to be sick again?" she asked instead.

"No," Tara said softly. "I don't think so."

"Do you want some crackers or something to settle your stomach?" Willow asked considerately, already tensing to move before Tara's hands landed on either of her legs, holding her where she was.

"S-stay with me," Tara requested, voice shaking.

Willow frowned, leaning forward for a glimpse of Tara's face. "Sweetheart, you're crying," she gasped. She turned Tara by her shoulders to face her, wiping the tears from her face gently, hesitating to kiss her. She pulled Tara back into her arms, hugging her as Tara started sobbing into her chest. "Shh, honey. It's okay. Whatever it is, I'll fix it. I promise. You just have to tell me what's wrong and I promise I'll fix it."

Tara's fingers tightened in Willow's shirt, clinging to her. "Willow…" Her lover's name was all that she could force out, and she squeezed her eyes closed tightly. "I don't know…I don't think you _can_ fix this."

Willow shook her head, letting out a deep breath. "Tell me what happened, Tara," Willow prompted. "You know I'll do anything for you."

Tara sniffled back tears, fingers clenched tight in Willow's t-shirt. She didn't, couldn't, speak for a long while, choking back tears as she tried to calm down. Visions from her nightmares floated behind her eyelids - Buffy and Glory, an endless hell.

Hell didn't look like what people supposed it did, or what it was described like in books. There wasn't a lake of fire, at least not in the hell she'd been trapped in, the one in her mind. The one she had seen in her nightmare, where Buffy had been trapped, endlessly fighting, didn't look like any hell she'd ever heard of either. However, Anya was fond of reminding them that there were countless hell dimensions. It wasn't a surprise that there was one she wasn't familiar with.

"It wasn't real," she whispered, forcing her fingers to relax. "It couldn't have been real."

Willow swallowed, but choked down her anxious questions. "Honey, let's get you back in bed," she directed. "We can talk, if you want," she offered hesitantly.

Tara shook her head, leaning back from Willow's shoulder to drink some more water, wiping her mouth on the bottom of a towel. "No," she breathed, pushing herself up shakily with both hands. Willow steadied her, stung when Tara shook her hands off, stumbling out of the bathroom.

The redhead followed her slowly, lingering at the foot of the bed as Tara climbed into it, still sniffling. Tara curled herself under the blankets, wiping her sticky face. Willow retreated back to the bathroom, finding her wet washcloth and bringing it back to the bed. She sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, brushing hair back from Tara's face. "Let me," she whispered, cleaning her lover's face gently.

Tara rolled onto her back, eyes closed as she breathed deeply. She didn't speak and Willow sighed as she returned the washcloth to the bathroom once she finished. Tara's eyes were still closed and Willow hesitated before retreating back to her side of the bed, her back to Tara.

The uncomfortable tension stretched, broken finally as Tara's tears returned, the blonde trembling as she sobbed. Willow turned over quickly, pulling her back into her arms. "Shh, I'm right here. Baby, I'm right here."

Tara turned in her arms to curl into her chest, crying bitterly. "It was Buffy," she gasped. "Buffy was there."

"Shh," Willow hushed her. "We can talk in the morning, okay? Shh…"

Tara seemed to accept that, whimpering as she clung to Willow. She hiccupped, trying desperately to regain control. "T-thank y-you."

"Sweetheart, of course," Willow breathed. "I'm right here. Anything you need."

"D-don't l-let g-go," Tara requested, hating the shaking in her voice, but unable to stop it.

Willow shook her head, raking her fingers through Tara's hair. "Never going to happen," she promised softly.

It took a long time for Tara to calm down, trembling even after her tears slowed and stopped. She was still shaking after she fell asleep, breathing in gasps and whimpers. Willow tried to follow her, but the tantalizing hints Tara had gasped made it difficult, her blood still running fast in her veins. As far as Tara had shared, Buffy had never been in her dreams, only her father and brother and Willow herself, with guest appearances by Glory. And the dreams hadn't affected her like this in weeks.

Even as she lay beside her and watched, Tara let out a gasp, her hands gripping Willow's shirt tightly before relaxing. Tara's burrowed her face closer to Willow's shoulder, the redhead curling her arm more securely around her girlfriend. She was greatly tempted to do a quick spell and gain the energy to stay awake, but for the night at least, it wasn't to work on the bot, but rather to lay exactly where she was and watch over Tara's turbulent sleep. She already knew what Tara would say about that and she forced the spell from her mind, closing her eyes deliberately and trying to drag herself to sleep.

She couldn't remember how long it took for it to actually work, but her face was buried in blonde hair when she woke. She lifted her head slowly, Tara still asleep in her arms. The sun was up outside the window and she settled wearily back into the pillows. She wasn't sure if it was because of what had happened the night before, but she'd been dreaming about Buffy. One arm pulled back to curl over her eyes as she released a deep breath.

Tara stirred as she moved, turning with her to look at her and unintentionally pinning Willow's other arm underneath her. She didn't speak, not sure what to say. "Do you still want to go?" Willow asked.

It took Tara a second to realize that Willow had spoken. "What?" she asked, grimacing at her rough voice. She cleared her throat, reaching over to rub her eyes.

"We're supposed to go to L.A. today," Willow reminded her, letting her arm drop. "Do you think we should go?"

Tara sighed, shrugging minutely. "Why wouldn't we?" she asked quietly.

"Tara, you haven't… It hasn't been like that in a while," Willow said hesitantly.

The blonde took a shuddering breath. "I know," she sighed. "Willow, I…I know that." She looked sideways at her girlfriend. "And I know this weekend was supposed to be about getting you some time off, but I think I might need some time off too."

Willow nodded quickly, her hand finding Tara's and squeezing soothingly. "Tara, of course! Of course it can be about you, baby!"

"Can it be about _us_?" Tara asked her, interrupting.

Willow swallowed thickly, nodding. "Yeah," she agreed hoarsely. "Even better." She hesitated, turning onto her side. "Tara…"

"I can't talk about it, Willow," Tara interrupted again. "Not right now. Please?" she asked. "I just want it to be peaceful right now. With you."

Willow nodded again, moving closer to her. "Okay," she agreed softly. "Peaceful. I can do peaceful."

"You don't have to do anything, Willow," Tara reminded her. "You're enough. Don't you get that by now? You're all I need. Just you…here, in reach, with me."

The redhead let out a deep breath, swallowing thickly. "I'm right here. We'll get packed, and we'll go, I swear," she promised. Tara nodded without speaking, sliding closer to her and tucking herself more firmly into her girlfriend's arms.

"Can we just stay like this? Just for a little while?" Tara requested, her head finding its spot on her girlfriend's shoulder.

Willow nodded, leaning her head against Tara's. "So, what do you want to do when we get to L.A.?" she asked, changing the subject to something safe and not related to the Slayer at all.

Tara shrugged, watching her hand play with the edge of Willow's shirt. "Anything is fine with me," she said listlessly.

Willow sighed, practically feeling her world falling apart again while she laid there and could do nothing to stop it. "Can I take you to dinner tonight?" she asked, trying to hold back her hopeful tone.

"Sure," Tara agreed, voice small. "That will be nice."

Willow sucked in a breath, holding it for a long moment, feeling it shudder as she released it. "Yeah…nice," she said tiredly. She let her fingers slide into blonde hair, taking another deep breath, savoring the familiar scent of Tara's hair.

Tara could feel the tension radiating from Willow, but couldn't muster the words to describe what she'd seen in her latest nightmare, Buffy alone and fighting in an endless hell. She knew it was probably the wrong decision, but she couldn't help wanting to hold onto the peace she could manage for as long as possible. Even as she lay there though, she could feel it slipping away. She knew what Willow would do when she learned what Tara had seen in her dream, the lengths it would drive her to.

If Willow thought there was any chance that Buffy was alive, alive and trapped in Glory's hell dimension fighting for her life, there was no limits to what the redhead would push herself towards. But if Buffy really was trapped, holding her tongue could cost the Slayer her life. She couldn't see how the dream could be real though. She'd been connected to Glory after the goddess had stolen her sanity, but that had been reversed months ago. She couldn't see how she'd still be connected to the absent goddess. The longer she went without telling Willow, the worse it would become though.

"Honey, about last night," she started, voice hoarse.

She didn't speak again, and Willow picked up the sentence. "You said Buffy's name," she reminded her girlfriend gently.

"I did," Tara replied, her fingers tightening in Willow's shirt, keeping her eyes down. "That's because she was there, in my dream."

"Have you ever dreamed about her before?" Willow asked, biting her lip. "I won't be jealous. Buffy's very beautiful," she attempted the joke half-heartedly.

Tara gave her the requisite swat to the stomach for her effort, shaking her head against Willow's shoulder. "No, she's never been there before."

"Were you there? Last night? You and Buffy?" Willow asked curiously.

"No," Tara answered. "It was just her." She swallowed, taking a shuddering breath. "She was alone, in hell, fighting." She closed her eyes, fingers squeezing tighter in Willow's shirt. "Willow, it had to be a dream, right? It can't be real."

Willow took a deep breath of her own, squeezing gently. "I don't know," she whispered brokenly. "Was…did you see Glory?" she asked softly, sure that seeing the bitch goddess wouldn't have given Tara warm, fuzzy feelings.

Tara blinked, curling closer to Willow unconsciously. "She was there," she whispered.

"Aww, baby, is that why you got sick?" Willow asked tenderly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Tara nodded, squirming her toes in between Willow's calves. The redhead took the hint and curled her leg over Tara's. "I'm right here, sweetheart. She'll never touch you again, I promise."

"She's dead, isn't she?" Tara asked weakly. "I mean, Giles…Giles said…he said she was gone, that it was t-taken care o-of."

"I'll talk to him, don't worry. If he said she's gone, she's gone. He wouldn't lie, not about that," Willow promised earnestly. "I'm going to take care of you, Tara. No matter what."

"I know that," Tara agreed. "She's gone. I know it. I'd know if she was still in there."

Willow swallowed, breathing deeply against her lover's hair. "Good. She doesn't need to be anywhere near your brain. All your thinking about me should be private." She squeezed her eyes closed, knowing that it wasn't the time to joke, but she was trying to wrap her head around the idea that Buffy might be trapped in a hell dimension. It was something she'd thought of before, but the idea was too horrible. Buffy had given her life protecting people, the world, and if she had ended up in hell… She had to get her out. That was all there was to it.

Tara laughed weakly, obviously mustered with an effort. "That's right," she agreed. "All mine," she murmured, sliding her arm across Willow's stomach and holding her tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

_Which then grew into a hope…_

Willow's mind was racing as they lay there and she tried to calm herself down. Tara didn't need her acting like a spaz trying to figure this out. Tara needed her to take her away from the Hellmouth for a weekend away. What Tara needed from her, for once, she was going to get. Her blonde angel deserved nothing less.

She pressed a kiss to Tara's hair. "I'll talk to Giles before we leave, okay?" she offered softly. "We'll get packed up and go. Be on the road by lunch?" She drew Tara's chin up with one finger. "I'll have you in the swankiest restaurant we can afford by seven pm, sharp."

Tara smiled weakly, one hand on Willow's shoulder to draw herself up, kissing her softly. "You cannot imagine how much I love you," she whispered against her lips.

"Sure, I can," Willow objected. "It might be about half as much as I love you," she stated.

"Nuh-uh," Tara protested, settling her head back against Willow's neck.

Willow snorted. "Let's not bicker," she said. "Just give in, admit that I'm clearly right, and we can go about our day."

Tara laughed, her hand swatting at her girlfriend's stomach. "Never going to happen," she declared. "We can call it a draw though," she offered, letting her nails drag over a spot she knew would make Willow jump.

"That's not even fair!" Willow complained.

"Sorry, baby," Tara said, completely unapologetic.

Willow narrowed her eyes, poking Tara's side. "I don't think you mean that," she challenged, pushing Buffy firmly to the back of her mind. There was nothing she could do at the moment to help the Slayer either way, that would take time and more effort than she could put in at the moment. It would take time, and careful preparations to even begin to think of rescuing Buffy. She knew how the others would react, and she'd need to have every angle covered before she brought it up.

Until she figured it out, if it was even possible that what Tara had seen was the truth, there was no reason to freak out the others. Until she had something concrete all she needed to focus on was keeping the others safe. And fortunately for her, keeping Tara safe and stable included a weekend in L.A. alone.

She let out a deep breath, cheek pressing against Tara's hair. "How you doing?" she breathed.

"Better," Tara answered. "Thank you, Willow." She gave herself another minute of taking comfort from her girlfriend's arms before she pushed herself up, rubbing at her hair. Willow sat up behind her, pressing kisses across her shoulder.

Willow gave her one final squeeze, slipping reluctantly from the bed. "I'll get us some breakfast, okay cutie?"

Tara nodded, smiling. "Thank you. I'll start getting some clothes together for us."

Willow grinned over her shoulder. "Okay, not too many though," she teased with a wink.

"Got it," Tara agreed, shaking her head at her girlfriend.

Dawn was already up, and Xander and Anya arrived even as Willow got to the bottom of the stairs. The carpenter and his girlfriend had agreed to spending the weekend at the Summers' house with Dawn while the witches were out of town. Willow waved with one hand, covering her yawn with her other hand. "Morning," she greeted them as Xander put their bags down just inside the door.

"Hey," Xander said with a wave of his own. "Dawnie awake already?"

Willow nodded, padding into the kitchen to start the coffee. "And Tara's upstairs packing. Thanks for coming over. You didn't have to get here so early."

He shrugged, following her with Anya trailing behind him, holding onto his hand. "Not a problem. It's like our own little mini vacation." Dawn was already in the kitchen, spreading cream cheese onto a bagel. "And there's the guest of honor," he greeted her, grinning.

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, right. Don't you guys think I'm a little too old to be babysat?"

"It's not babysitting, Dawnster!" Xander objected. "It's…looking after?" he tried hopefully. The girls all rolled their eyes and he sighed. "You used to like me coming over," he groused, scuffing his foot along the floor.

Dawn spoke around her bite of bagel, covering her mouth with one hand after a look from Willow. "I do!"

"Then let's just call it 'hanging out,'" Xander proposed.

Willow's coffee beeped its readiness and she took a long sip, sighing in relief. "Sweet caffeine." She leaned against the counter to watch Xander attempt to get back into Dawn's good graces, part of her marveling at how normal their lives had started feeling again, in spite of everything. She finished her first cup, pouring another as she stole two bagels from the bag. "You two play nice," she chided, grinning over her shoulder as she left the kitchen.

Tara was dressed and sorting clothes on the bed, but she turned as Willow came in. "Thanks," she said, taking the bagel the redhead offered her. "Is that your first coffee?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and taking a brief kiss.

"Um…not exactly," Willow said, sighing as Tara stole a sip from her cup. "You take this one," she offered. "I don't need a caffeine addiction to go along with everything else." Tara turned her head to press a kiss to her cheek, putting the cup back in her girlfriend's hands and returning to the packing. Willow hesitated, taking another sip of her coffee and munching on her bagel.

It didn't take the blonde long to get their bag packed, a single duffle bag easily holding enough for the weekend. Willow got cleaned up while Tara went to pack the car, the other Scoobies seeing them off from the front yard. They were borrowing the Jeep, the paperwork still saying 'Summers.' Willow had been meaning to get everything switched into her own name, but now, if there was the slightest chance that she could get Buffy back, she wouldn't bother.

The ride to L.A. was practically silent, the radio playing in the background while Tara stared out the window and Willow drove. The redhead could feel the tension between herself and her girlfriend in the air, burning in her chest as she breathed, but she could think of no way to break it, nothing to stop it from coming back. She was cheered up slightly as Tara's arm found a spot on the center console, her hand reaching over to rest on the top of Willow's thigh. The redhead glanced over, swallowing thickly.

Tara met her eyes, smiling silently. "Hey, you," Willow whispered. "I wasn't sure if this was a silent vacation, or what?"

Tara bit her lip, shaking her head. "I don't think that's a thing, honey," she said, curling and flattening her hand against Willow's leg. "I just…I feel like I don't know what to say to you, and I've never felt like that before, ever."

Willow nodded, sighing heavily. "I know the feeling," she admitted reluctantly. "But, Tara, what happened? I thought it was getting a little better at least."

"It was," Tara agreed. "And I'm not sure _what _happened to change it, but I don't like it."

"Me neither," Willow stated, frowning. "Not one bitty bit."

Tara leaned over on her elbow, pressing a lingering kiss to Willow's cheek, her hand moving from her girlfriend's leg to the back of her neck. Willow's head turned in her hand to catch a quick kiss, her eyes back on the road rapidly. Tara pulled herself back slowly, putting her hand back on Willow's leg.

"I kind of hate that center, cup-holdery thing right now," Willow said, one hand falling from the wheel to cover Tara's. She glared at it for a second. "I have a feeling I could be getting some seriously good snuggles right now," she said with a pout.

Tara laughed, the sound as relaxed as they'd been since Buffy's death. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll save them for you." Willow grinned sideways, pushing her foot down more firmly against the accelerator. "We can't afford a ticket, sweetheart," Tara reminded her, hand moving soothingly over Willow's thigh.

"Hey, in fifteen minutes I get snuggles! That's serious motivation right there," Willow said earnestly, smiling in genuine relief as Tara laughed again.

The blonde leaned her head back against the seat, smiling. "They're not going anywhere. You're the only taker."

Willow frowned, pouting. "I had better be! My snuggles!" she stated. "Not that I'm the only one that wants them, you know. Anyone else can just back off though!" Tara rolled her eyes, but kept her hand on Willow's leg.

It didn't take long before they arrived at the Hyperion, the hotel large and ominous looking from the outside. Inside though, they were greeted with a song, a green demon in a suit singing to himself as he worked behind the counter.

Willow cleared her throat with a sidelong grin at Tara. "Um, hi," she said, waving with her free hand, her other holding Tara's. "Lorne, right?" she asked, having met the demon before, but not sure she remembered his name correctly in the haze of grief that surrounded her last trip to Los Angeles.

"That's me, sugar!" he confirmed, smiling. He gave Tara a look and then another as he came around the desk to hug Willow. "You mentioned you had a doll, but you didn't say she was such a peach!" Lorne chided her, sweeping Tara up next.

Willow shuffled her feet, blushing. "Um…I promise I didn't call you a doll," she offered sheepishly, ducking her head.

"That was all compliment!" Lorne objected, one arm still curled around Tara's shoulders. "She's gorgeous!"

"I know that!" Willow yelped, turning gratefully as she heard Cordelia's familiar laugh. "Oh thank God," the witch muttered. "Who'd have thought I'd ever be glad to see you, Cordy," she said, hugging the former cheerleader briefly.

Cordelia shrugged, holding one hand out to Tara. "You must be Tara," she said. "I know we've spoken on the phone, but I'm Cordelia, and that's Lorne."

"N-nice to m-meet you," Tara said, nodding as she shook the other woman's hand. She caught Willow's look at her stutter, but just shrugged under Lorne's arm.

There was a pause and Cordelia gestured to the stairs. "Angel's not here, of course, but I can show you to your room. Fred is in her room, and Gunn is out with Wesley, but I'm sure you'll see them later."

"Thanks," Willow said gratefully, shifting the strap of their bag on her shoulder. Cordelia led them toward the second floor, Tara looking around curiously as they went up the stairs.

"The h-hotel is b-beautiful," Tara offered, sighing as her voice trembled.

Cordelia smiled over her shoulder. "It's old, and creepy, and has a weird musty smell we can't get rid of, but thank you," she said. She opened a door for them, stepping out of the doorway. "How's this one?" she asked. "Angel's room is over there, but of course that doesn't matter, because he's not here, but Lorne is staying over on the other side of the hotel, and Fred's room is over there," she explained, pointing out each room.

Willow nodded, edging their bag off her shoulder. "Thanks Cordy. Do you mind if I give Tara a little tour?"

"Yeah, sure," the seer agreed easily. "You guys have fun." She waved, smiling to Tara. "It's nice to meet you, Tara." She turned to go, but paused at the top of the stairs, her eyes still looking down the stairs. "Thanks for coming to tell him, Willow," she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder. "He would have ripped this place apart if he'd heard it over the phone from Giles."

Willow swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "Yeah," she agreed hoarsely. "Sure." To be honest, she'd thought as little about her previous trip to L.A. as possible. Angel had needed to know that the love of his eternal life was dead, but she didn't want to picture the utter devastation her news had caused him. It threw her own grief into shadow. She glanced sideways at Tara. Losing a best friend was hard enough. She couldn't imagine her grief and pain if she'd lost Tara.

She squeezed her lover's hand reflexively, the action drawing Tara's eyes to their paired hands. The blonde frowned, looking back up to catch Willow's expression. Cordelia retreated down the stairs without speaking again and Willow entered the room, pulling Tara behind her by their hands.

Willow released her hand to put the bag on the bed, her eyes staying down as they both felt the tension that had been left behind in the car come rising back to the surface. The blonde started to say something, but held her tongue, scuffing her feet across the carpet instead.

"It's happening again," Willow said quietly, not looking up from fiddling with the zipper of their bag. "I can feel it, Tara."

The blonde moved up behind her, sliding both arms around Willow's waist and resting her head against her girlfriend's back. "I know. Me too." She sighed heavily. "I don't like it."

"What can I do?" Willow asked, letting out a groan before Tara could answer. "We," she corrected herself. "What can _we_ do?" she asked.

Tara laughed weakly. "That's what I want," she stated. "Exactly that."

"What?" Willow asked, confused.

Tara leaned her forehead against the back of Willow's neck. "We, us, you and me," Tara clarified. "That is _all_ that I want."

The redhead leaned back into Tara's arms, her hands moving up to cover Tara's grip on her waist. "'We' and 'us' sounds perfect to me. I just - half the time I feel like I'm losing you, like our life is slipping away from…us."

Tara shook her head against Willow's. "I'm not going anywhere," she promised softly. "Our life is our life, Willow. And parts of it are completely horrible," she reminded her, feeling Willow tense in her arms. "You, Willow, are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She loosened her grip, but only to turn Willow in her arms to face her. "And the _only_ part of the last year that has made my life bearable."

Willow gave her a tired smile, heart beating faster as a wave of sharp relief washed through her. "I love you, Tara."

"And I love you, Willow," Tara responded.

Willow nodded, smiling wider. "Good to know," she said, forcing cheerfulness. "Now, we're on vacation and I promised you the swankiest restaurant we can afford, which I'm afraid won't be too spectacular…"

Tara stopped her apology with a kiss, shaking her head. Willow curled both arms around her lover's neck, keeping her close. "You know I don't need anything fancy," Tara reminded her when they separated, leaning her forehead against Willow's.

"I know, and that's because you're an angel, but you more than deserve everything good in the world," Willow stated, voice soft. "I just wish I could find a way to give it all to you."

Tara narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips at her girlfriend. "I've already got everything I want," she promised, giving her a look that plainly told her what she meant.

"But you _are_ hungry, right?" Willow asked, biting her lip with a smile. "Cause I'm a little starved, and I promised you dinner." She leaned forward, taking another kiss. "And I want to take out the most gorgeous woman in Los Angeles."

Tara arched an eyebrow. "I didn't think you liked Cordelia that much. I mean, the way you talk about her…"

Willow's jaw dropped, her hand swatting Tara's butt in rebuke. "Oh no you did _not_!" she gasped. "Cordelia! You've got to be kidding me! She and Harmony made my life a nightmare for _years_!"

Tara laughed helplessly, covering her mouth with one hand, her other hand on Willow's shoulder. "I know, I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean it." She gave the pouting Willow a pecking kiss. "I'd never let her take you away from me anyway."

"Darn tootin'," Willow said, still pouting and she wrapped her arms around Tara's waist. "Now, before you get any ideas about running off with her yourself, I'm taking you out," she stated, her hands on her girlfriend's hips to guide her backwards toward the door.

"Don't you want to unpack before we go out?" Tara asked, stepping back without looking, trusting Willow not to let her crash into anything. She laughed as her back collided with the wall even as the thought crossed her mind. "That wasn't the doorway," she commented, amused as Willow pressed her to the wall.

Willow shrugged, a look of childlike innocence schooled on her face. "Oh, it wasn't? Silly me," she said, shrugging as she leaned up to kiss her. Tara let her in without prompting, the kiss slow and gentle. Tara's hands pulled Willow closer, arms sliding tighter around her waist. They separated gradually, stealing slow kisses each time they pulled back. It didn't escalate, but stayed intimate and slow, the secrets, tension, and hurt feelings pushed away firmly and leaving them in a quiet, peaceful moment where the world outside of their borrowed hotel room was on pause and forgotten.

Once that singular and seemingly rare moment passed the guilt shoved its way back in, sharp and severe. Willow managed to get her smile back in place before lifting her head from Tara's shoulder, squeezing her gently. "How about that dinner?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dinner felt almost normal, like a date from a time before their entire lives had been sucked into the hell of Buffy's death. They spent some time after dinner with Angel's friends, a welcome distraction from the brooding anxiety Willow was feeling being away from Dawn and the Hellmouth. Buffy's absence was affecting Angel's friends, the vampire's mourning leaving them to pick up his cases. They all made an effort to be social, but it was obvious that they were distracted by their work.

Fred eagerly, if surprisingly to her friends, offered to spend time with them, excited by finding someone as smart as she was in Willow. The three settled on the round couches in the lobby of the hotel, Tara curled into Willow's side while the two brains discussed something she was too tired to try and keep up with. Willow felt Tara yawn against her neck and she let her arm curl around the blonde's shoulder, guiding her closer. "Fred, I think it's time we were heading upstairs," she interjected into a pause, giving the shy physicist a smile.

Fred nodded, her chin on her curled up knees. "Thanks for talkin' with me," she said in her slow drawl.

"Of course. You're fun to talk to," Willow said cheerfully. Tara's hand found Willow's, squeezing it gently as they got to their feet slowly. Fred followed them, trotting up the stairs behind them and rushing noiselessly to her own room. Willow laughed quietly as the door closed behind the reclusive little scientist. "She's a little bit odd," she observed. "But I like her."

Tara curled an arm around her lover's waist, laughing quietly. "I like her too," she agreed. "Sometimes people who are little bit odd are charming." She caught Willow's eye and winked. "I've always thought so, anyway."

Willow laughed, sticking her tongue out. "I'm going to assume you're talking about Anya, and I'm going to say 'eww.'"

Tara shifted herself so she was behind Willow, curling both arms around her waist and smiling against her neck. "Honey," she said chidingly, knowing how Willow felt about the ex-demon. "I wasn't talking about Anya." She scattered slow kisses across freckled skin. "And do you really want to talk about Anya now?"

Willow shivered against her, her eyes sliding closed. "No," she breathed. "I really don't," she agreed. "Would you be horrible offended if I didn't want to talk much at all?" she asked, her head turning to give Tara more room.

"No," Tara agreed, not lifting her lips from Willow's skin. "No talking is fine with me," she said softly as Willow's small shuffling steps carried them toward the bed.

Tara was sleeping peacefully for once when Willow stirred, the redhead blinking around the dim darkness of the unfamiliar room. She should be feeling quiet and peaceful, relaxed and comfortable in a way she hadn't been in weeks, but she found herself restless and antsy. Tara moved in her sleep, turning onto her side and snuggling deeper into the pillows. Willow followed her, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck and trying to settle herself down enough to fall back to sleep.

She gave it twenty minutes before she gave up, slipping out of the bed and dressing clumsily in the dark. Tara didn't stir again, still sleeping. She shut the door silently behind her, the hallway lit with dim lamps at intervals between the rooms. Angel's home was even more mysterious in the stillness of the night, and Willow padded down the stairs to the main floor.

There was a light on in the office, and she poked her head in, surprised to see Wesley at the desk. "Oh, hey," she greeted him, speaking quietly so she wouldn't startle him. "I didn't expect anyone else to be awake."

He looked up from his papers, giving her a tired smile. "Willow, I hope the room is comfortable."

"Oh, yeah, it's great!" she agreed quickly, hoping that she wasn't blushing. "I just haven't been sleeping great lately. Ever since…" She sighed heavily, leaning against the doorframe. "That's why we came on vacation, but I guess it's not really working yet."

He yawned, covering his mouth with one hand. "It might not be working on you, but it certainly is on me," he disagreed, standing up from his desk. "You won't be offended if I go to bed? It is rather late."

"No," Willow said, waving him off. "Do you mind if I take a look at some of your books? Just until I get sleepy again?"

"Help yourself," he offered with a smile, gesturing behind him to their library.

Willow took a seat in the chair across from the desk, settling in with a book in her lap. She didn't realize she was looking for anything specific until she saw the word 'resurrection.' As soon as she saw it her blood ran icy and her eyes squeezed closed tightly. "Buffy," she whispered, the name simultaneously foreign and familiar. She almost couldn't believe that it had been so long since she'd said it when Buffy was such a huge part of her life. She could feel tears burning behind her eyes and for once didn't push them back, but let them slide slow and hot down her cheeks.

She didn't sob, just breathed deeply and let the tears come, her head leaning back so she wouldn't drip on the book still in her lap. As she calmed down she started reading again, focused now. Her research grew, taking up space on the desk and the floor around her chair. She hadn't found anything concrete, just theories and speculation, but there was a list of sources she now had to check up on once she got home. It wasn't a solution, but it would give her a place to start working. The sun coming through the French doors into the garden got her attention and she realized that she had better get back upstairs to Tara before the blonde realized that she had spent another night awake.

She got the books put back into their places quickly enough, the sheets of paper with her notes and lists of carefully recorded sources tucked into a pocket. The door squeaked as she snuck back into the room she was sharing with Tara, but the blonde didn't speak. Willow was quick to strip back out of her clothes and slide back into the bed with Tara.

Tara could feel Willow's arms slide around her, the redhead curling against her back. She let one hand slide over Willow's arm, curling their fingers together.

"Sorry," Willow whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up, baby."

"Where'd you go?" Tara asked, morbidly curious if Willow would tell her the truth.

There was a moment of hesitation before the redhead spoke, releasing a deep breath. "Downstairs. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about Buffy." She knew that Tara would want to know about the research she'd been doing, the groundwork to bringing the Slayer back to life, but she held her tongue, hiding behind the half truth.

She wasn't ready yet, not by a long shot, to share any plan that might be bouncing around her brain. She hadn't even determined if there was any chance Tara's dream had been within the realm of possibility. Even the slightest chance that Buffy was still out there somewhere was enough for her, but Tara, Xander, Giles, and Dawn would need more convincing than an anxious worry to get them to go along with her. There was no reason to worry Tara until she had more proof or a solid plan. No point in having her girlfriend thinking she was crazy.

Tara sucked in a deep breath, turning over to face her. "Do you want to talk?" she whispered.

Willow shook her head against the pillow. "No," she said shakily. "This isn't a 'trying to take care of it all on my own' thing," she promised. "I cried, I'm tired, and I'm absolutely sick of not being able to sleep."

Tara nodded, swallowing thickly. "Okay," she agreed simply. She turned onto her back, guiding Willow's head to her shoulder. "Come here," she whispered. Willow complied, curling gratefully into Tara's support. "You didn't…" Tara started to speak, hesitating. "You were gone for a while," she offered vaguely.

"I didn't do a spell, Tara," Willow said wearily. "I just couldn't sleep. I swear to you."

The blonde pressed a kiss to her hair, letting out a deep breath. "Thank you," she whispered. "I didn't…I don't doubt you, Willow. I just get worried about you."

"I know you do," Willow breathed. "I don't mean to scare you." She laughed suddenly, tilting her head back to meet Tara's eyes. "Although, looking like I do now, I'm sure I'm scaring everyone."

Tara snorted, squeezing her. "You'll forgive me if I don't find that terribly funny," she said, smiling. "Are you getting tired yet?"

Willow nodded, yawning widely. "Yes," she said, snuggling closer. "I think it's you. Can't sleep without you."

Tara shook her head against Willow's, her hand trailing over her girlfriend's arm. "You don't even try anymore," she commented.

"What would be the point?" Willow responded teasingly, voice tired and slow. "No snuggles in sleeping alone, no nice pillows, no possibilities for any of the good stuff sleeping without you," she said, squirming her face into Tara's chest.

The blonde looked down at her girlfriend's head, green eyes hidden behind closed eyelids. "Well, I'm right here, baby. So sleep all you want."

Willow's eyes blinked open slowly, a hopeful smile on her lips. "And maybe some more of the good stuff later?"

Tara laughed, pressing a kiss between her eyes. "Maybe I can actually wear you out this time. So you won't be getting up and leaving me to sleep alone so quickly tonight." She pressed another kiss between her eyes. "Since I hear for reputable sources that it's fairly horrible."

"It is," Willow said emphatically, curling herself closer and taking a deep breath. So Tara knew that she'd been gone all night but she wasn't pushing it, accepting Willow's story about grief at face value. "Sorry we've spent our whole vacation in bed," she apologized around a yawn.

Tara shook her head, covering Willow's hand on her stomach with her own. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be, Willow," she said softly. "We don't have to leave this room if you don't want to."

"Did you dream last night?" the redhead asked, eyes still closed. She tried to convince herself that her first priority was Tara and that her reason for asking wasn't motivated by her crazy fear that Buffy could still be alive. As the blonde inhaled, her heartbeat steady and strong in her chest, Willow could only tighten her grip, knowing as she listened to the steady beat that, no matter what else was going on, Tara was always going to be her priority, even if it hadn't been so obvious lately.

Tara shook her head, letting out a breath of relief. "No, actually. It's the first night that I've slept without the dreams."

"Good," Willow agreed. "I'm so glad. Anything I can do to keep it going?"

Tara smiled. "You're the scientist, my love. Got any ideas?"

"Well, if we duplicate the situation, we could get similar results," Willow teased. "I'd say it's worth a try."

"So, if I'm understanding you correctly, you're prescribing pre-sleeping sleeping together?" Tara asked, keeping her voice low.

"Oh yes," Willow agreed, yawning widely. "That sounds like the perfect prescription to me!"

"You're a little bit sleep deprived, remember?" Tara reminded her.

The redhead yawned again, her eyes sliding closed. "Doesn't mean it's not my best idea ever," she protested sleepily.

"It might be," Tara agreed, smoothing her hair soothingly. "But get some sleep, my love. I'll be right here."

Willow breathed a quiet word, curling as close as she could get and smiling as she felt Tara press a kiss to her hair. Tara felt Willow's body relax, her breathing slow and steady against her chest and she could feel herself somehow, miraculously, fading into sleep again. She'd slept without the dreams, but still not well. Willow was with her though, and sleeping peacefully. These days, there wasn't a better situation than that.

Nothing had changed on the Hellmouth while they were gone, but both of them could feel the tension start seeping back inside of them while they were driving back into Sunnydale. Tara reached across the car without speaking, covering Willow's closer knee with her hand before sliding it up to rest comfortably on her thigh, the only move she could think of to keep the stress at bay.

Willow covered her hand with her own, pulling them both up to press a kiss to the back of Tara's and gave her a sidelong smile as she put them both back on her leg. "Thanks," she said, knowing without asking what Tara was doing.

"Of course," Tara murmured, returning the smile with one of her own. Their vacation had been successful in starting to repair some of the rifts that had opened in their relationship in front of their eyes while they'd been helpless to stop it. She felt overwhelmed with grateful affection that things hadn't degraded further and couldn't stop herself from leaning over to press a kiss to Willow's cheek.

The redhead leaned into the contact, pleased. "What was that for? Not that I'm complaining, of course. Anytime you want to kiss me, you feel free, okay? That's not an offer I make to just anybody."

Tara interrupted with a giggle, squeezing Willow's hand. "No reason," she answered. "I just love you."

"That's not 'no reason,'" Willow protested as they pulled into the driveway. "That's the best reason I've ever heard for anything, ever."

Tara laughed, nodding and letting her fingers play idly with Willow's. "I think so too."

Willow let a deep breath as she looked out the windshield of the Jeep, surveying the house. "Looks like nothing burned down while we were gone," she commented.

Tara arched an eyebrow at her, still smiling softly. "Was that a likely possibility that just didn't occur to me?" she asked teasingly.

"We left Xander and Anya in charge of Dawn," Willow responded dryly, squeezing her hand one final time before she moved to climb out of the car on her side. She was quick to retake Tara's hand, leading them into the house, back to what had become their normal life - raising a teenager and keeping the Hellmouth stable.


	6. Chapter 6

_Which then turned into a quiet thought…_

Willow stared pacing and murmuring to herself as soon as the front door closed behind the others. The Buffy-bot was deactivated and seated in a chair. She'd been researching and studying for weeks now, trying to make sure she had every possible objection answered, and tonight was the night she'd chosen to present Tara and the others with her plan.

Her fingers played absently with her color coded note cards, still rehearsing. She was alone in the house, Dawn spending the night at a friend's house and the others out on a patrol. Tara had been suspicious when the redhead hadn't protested her going out with Spike and Giles but was too grateful that Willow seemed to be relaxing to question it.

If Willow hadn't been so anxious about her proposal, she'd have found it funny how silly it was to be practicing to an empty sofa. On a turn to pace the length of the living room again she noticed the bot. She froze, staring at it. She'd always been able to keep the robot separated from her own memories of Buffy. The thing wearing her face was not her best friend. That was the whole point. Buffy was irreplaceable. And if she was in hell, being tortured, they needed to get her back. At this moment though, her stomach sick with anxiety and her mind whirling with confused plans and arguments, all she wanted was to talk to her best friend.

She had switched on the bot before she realized what exactly she was doing, the hazel green eyes popping open to meet her own. "Hello Willow!" the bot greeted her cheerfully.

"Hi," the redhead murmured, sitting back on her heels.

Buffy's eyes surveyed her, frowning. "Are you okay?" she asked, voice soft and concerned and Willow choked back sudden tears.

"Yeah," she answered. "I miss you," she said, voice shaky and hoarse. She looked up, mustering a shaky smile.

"I don't understand," the bot said. "I've been here for eighty-three days."

Willow laughed weakly, nodding. "Yeah," she agreed. "We haven't talked in a long time though."

"That is true," the robot agreed, frowning deeper. "We should speak more often."

"We should," Willow agreed, wiping a tear away. "Hopefully we can talk more often soon."

Buffy-bot's head bobbed as she nodded. "Would you like to talk now?"

"Yeah," Willow said hoarsely. "I would." The Buffy-bot nodded but didn't speak, waiting for input from her, exactly the way she'd been programmed, and it was a sharp reminder that this wasn't Buffy, the Slayer who'd interrupt and make jokes with her, but a robot wearing her friend's face. "You know what, now's not the best time actually," she changed her mind. Her mind was already made up about the conversation she wanted to have with her friends and this had only strengthened her resolve.

"Okay," the robot said, voice cheerful again. "Are there any vampires I can slay?"

Willow shook her head, smiling. "Thank you, but no. You can shut down." Buffy-bot slumped immediately in the chair, eyes closing. Most of the programming was repaired and operational, but she hadn't finished testing the strength upgrades she'd written in. Warren had had no idea what a Slayer really was, the sheer power that went with the title, and he'd underpowered the robot, making it useless in a solo fight against a vampire. They'd been testing it for weeks, using Spike as a testing dummy, but the Buffy-bot had to be lengthily convinced to fight him every time.

She was just climbing to her feet when the others came in. Tara gave her a frown, one hand rubbing at her own elbow. "Sweetie?"

"Are you okay?" Willow interrupted to ask, crossing the room in a second to inspect her girlfriend's elbow herself.

Tara combed hair back from Willow's face, shaking her head. "I'm fine, I just knocked my funny bone," she said, smiling embarrassedly before her expression dropped back to the frown. "How's the bot?"

Willow glanced over her shoulder at it, grimacing at almost getting caught in her moment of weakness. "Oh, I was just checking some stuff, no issues," she fudged, biting her lip. "What did you knock your elbow on?" she asked, lifting Tara's arm to look closely at the reddened skin.

"Just a tree," the blonde answered. "It just tingles," she promised, her hand sliding back into Willow's hair and around her neck, guiding the redhead's eyes up to her. "Did you get your work done?" she asked, the pair lingering just inside the front door while the others spread throughout the house, getting drinks and snacks.

Willow nodded, swallowing. "Yeah," she agreed with a tired smile, though less tired than it had been in weeks. She'd laid off the energizing spells and was trying to limit her coffee intake, relying on her metabolism and the nightly shot of adrenaline from patrolling to keep her awake long enough to get her tasks done.

They'd gotten Dawn registered for school and their own schedules made up at the college, Tara keeping her dorm room for scholarship purposes, while Willow was registered as a commuter from Buffy's address. The vampire populace was under control, but there were starting to be whispers, rumors, about the Slayer's prolonged absence which was increasing Willow's desire to make sure the robot was finally combat ready. They'd brought it along in the car to Dawn's registration to give the school administrators eyes on Buffy so no one there would have suspicions roused, claiming that the teen's older sister had errands to run while Willow and Tara took care of getting Dawn's classes registered. So far, everything had been running as smoothly as could be expected since their vacation in L.A.

"Yeah," she repeated, rubbing at her eyes with the heel of one hand. "Just one more thing I need to do."

"Good," Tara responded, voice low and she stepped forward to press her body against Willow's, giving the redhead something to lean against. Willow took the coaxing willingly, leaning into her girlfriend. "Maybe we can make it to bed at a reasonable hour tonight," she proposed hopefully.

"You're still sleeping dream-free, right?" Willow asked, her voice muffled as she didn't lift her head from Tara's chest.

Tara let out a deep breath, hugging her. "Mostly. I had a little one the other night," she confessed quietly.

Willow dragged her head up wearily, meeting her eyes. "How come you didn't wake me up?" One hand rose to Tara's cheek, thumb smoothing under her eyes.

Tara shook her head against Willow's hand, smiling reassuringly. "It wasn't bad," she said. "I'd have woken you up if it had been bad."

"Okay," Willow agreed. They'd come to an understanding about their sleeping patterns after their return from Los Angeles, between seven and eight hours in bed for Willow, while Tara was to wake her up if she had a nightmare.

Willow had been almost beside herself with anxiety when, following their vacation, Tara had had a dream about Buffy every night for two weeks, waking covered in sweat, sometimes screaming. Willow had held her, comforted her even as her mind raced with theories, more fuel for her growing certainty that Buffy was still alive and trapped in Hell. Dawn had heard the screams, knew there was something going on, but was doing her best not to ask. She depended on Willow, they all did, and Willow depended on Tara. Her supporters were doing their best to keep her life stable, often at the expense of their own life together. They were all doing the best they could, and it _had_ gotten better. Better, but not good.

"We can try and get to bed early," Willow agreed. "Try for another restful night."

Tara nodded, her hands sliding down Willow's back and finding the redhead's hand, squeezing it gently. "Have you eaten dinner?"

Willow shook her head, letting Tara pull her toward the kitchen. "Just kind of nibbled." They found Xander and Anya scrounging for food in the kitchen, Giles seated at the kitchen island, covering a yawn with one hand. "How'd it go? Besides the funny bone incident," she teased, bumping Tara with her own elbow.

"Staked two of two," Xander answered for the group, leaning back against the counter. Anya handed him half of the sandwich she'd been making. "Giles, you alright?" he asked, leaning over to look the older man in the face.

"Yes," the Watcher answered tiredly. "Just a bit winded."

Anya leaned back beside Xander, speaking around a bite of her sandwich. "Of course you are. You're old," she said plainly. Giles' head turned to stare at her, but she didn't surrender to his glare, just continued eating her food, not phased in the slightest. "Running is hard on the joints," she added in an attempt to be helpful. "Humans are fragile," she pointed out, shrugging.

"Thank you for having us, but I do believe it's time I was heading home," Giles commented, pushing himself to his feet.

Tara gave him a sideways hug and a smile. He gave Willow a wave, the redhead silently rejoicing at her good luck. She didn't want to tell Giles about her idea until she talked it over with Tara and Xander first. Anya would be the easiest to convince, the one most familiar with hell dimensions. If she could convince Xander that Buffy could still be alive his love for Buffy and his faith in Willow herself would do the rest, bring him around.

Tara was the one who'd need the most convincing. Her partner was the only one of the three who knew what would be involved in bringing Buffy back, the struggle it would be for Willow to cast the spell. She hadn't completely narrowed down the best way to do it, but she had done extensive research and knew what she would need to do the spell. She could only hope Tara wouldn't know too many details or she'd be against it from the start.

And it was out of the question to tell Dawn. She couldn't crush the teen's heart again if anything went wrong. She wouldn't bring up the possibility that they could get Buffy back only to have something happen and have to take it back, subjecting Dawn to losing her sister again.

Equally as necessary to be out of the loop was Spike, the vampire still too involved and emotionally wrecked by grief to be rational if she said anything about it to him. The way he'd been acting the whole summer, sullen and depressed, she wouldn't be surprised if he attacked her for suggesting it. Or else he'd thank her and be grateful, something almost equally unappealing from him.

No, Tara was the deciding factor. The others would follow where Willow led. She'd become their impromptu leader following Buffy's death, as she had the summer after their junior year when Buffy had abandoned them to deal with losing Angel. She had slipped back into the role thoughtlessly, doing what had needed to be done to keep from collapsing, to keep them all from collapsing. They trusted her and would follow her decision.

She heaved a heavy sigh, looking around as the front door closed behind Giles. "Hey," she spoke up softly, hesitating as nerves struck again. "Can I…? I had something I wanted to talk to you guys about." Xander and Anya exchanged glances, both looking at Tara but the blonde just shrugged, no idea what Willow had in mind.

Willow swallowed thickly, taking the plate of leftover lasagna Tara had heated up for her. She poked at it with a fork, still standing up. Tara put a hand on either of her shoulders, pushing her gently into a seat at the island. "Eat your dinner. We'll wait," Xander agreed, giving her a smile. Willow nodded, returning his smile as Tara took the seat beside her to eat her own dinner. The blonde's free hand landed on her leg, thumb moving over the outside seam of Willow's jeans.

The redhead gave her a sidelong glance, the touch serving to relax her. Tara gave her a smile, not sure what Willow wanted to talk to them about but knowing that her girlfriend was anxious was all she needed to know to offer her comfort. Xander and Anya wandered into the living room, leaving the witches to their dinner. Willow didn't offer an explanation and Tara didn't ask. The redhead picked at her food slowly, eating a small portion before she gave up, tracing Tara's hand on her thigh repeatedly.

"Is everything okay?" Tara asked finally, voice soft. "You don't have to tell me what's going on, but just tell me you're okay."

Willow nodded, biting her lip. "Yes, Tara. I'm okay," she whispered. "I promise. I just…I need to talk to you, all of you." Tara nodded and Willow leaned over to put her head against the blonde's shoulder.

"Alright," Tara agreed, tightening her hand on her girlfriend's leg. "Let's go talk," she prompted, giving her a tight smile as Willow lifted her head.

Willow nodded again, swallowing in an effort to wet her throat. Her free hand found a cup on the kitchen island, gulping water thankfully. "Okay," she agreed, voice hoarse. They didn't speak again, just joined Xander and Anya in the living room. Tara moved to the armchair, surprised when Willow squeezed her hand but didn't sit down with her, beginning to pace instead.

The other three exchanged looks, none of them sure what Willow wanted to talk to them about. They had all noticed that she had waited to bring it up until Giles had left and Dawn was out of the house. "So, what's up, Will?" Xander started when Willow didn't speak, his arm curling around Anya's shoulders.

"Buffy," Willow answered without stopping her quick walking.

They each froze, staring at her. "Um, I mean," Xander stuttered, stiff against the cushions of the couch. "What about Buf…her?"

Willow stopped abruptly, facing the fireplace and standing at the far end of the room from the other three. "I think she could still be alive." She could hear their sharp, surprised breathing behind her and she counted to three before she slowly turned to face them, meeting their eyes one at a time. Anya looked surprised but accepting, Xander horrified and suddenly scared, but Tara's expression was simultaneously knowing and resigned, her unasked questions answered suddenly. Their eyes met and locked, Willow's pleading for understanding while Tara's were begging for an explanation.

"Why would you think that?" Anya asked, voice uncharacteristically tense. She knew what was at stake if it were true.

Tara sighed heavily, slumping back in her chair. "I've been dreaming about her," she answered the question, covering her eyes with one hand as Xander and Anya turned to look at her. "For months now. She's always in hell, fighting for her life." She let her hand slide down her face, rubbing at one shoulder.

"I'm sure it's horrible, but Tara…" Xander started, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, voice sympathetic. "Could it have just been a dream?"

Tara nodded, then shrugged, then shook her head. "I don't know," she confessed honestly. "Glory was in all of them though."

"Was she in any of your other dreams?" Xander asked, watching her for any signs of distress. Tara could just shake her head speechlessly. His gaze turned to Willow. "And what makes you think they're real?" he asked, voice growing hoarse and rough.

Willow let out a deep breath, her eyes lingering sympathetically on Tara. "They were connected. Tara and Glory." Tara looked up at her just then and she almost stopped, but Buffy's voice was echoing in her head and she couldn't do it. "Only the dreams with Buffy in them had Glory there too. The dreams, those dreams were always…they were harder on her," she said, locking her eyes on Xander so she didn't have to see Tara's look. "Sorry, sweetie, but they were," she protested as she looked at her girlfriend finally.

Tara nodded, swallowing thickly and fighting back tears. Willow took two hesitant steps toward her but Tara waved her back, giving her a tight smile. "I'm okay," she croaked hoarsely. "Keep going."

Willow nodded, frowning. "Okay, so the dreams that had Buffy in them also had Glory in them, and Tara was connected to Glory before she was gone, she was the only one of us who was, but Buffy jumped into the hell portal, and it was Glory's hell portal. It didn't go only to _her_ hell dimension, but it didn't go anywhere good." Her voice was getting quick and high, racing toward frantic. "Will you at least admit that it tracks?" she requested, her hands brushing down the sides of her pants.

Xander nodded slowly, eyes traveling between Tara and Anya. Neither of the women was speaking and he swallowed, his throat dry. "Yeah, okay, it tracks, but is there a way we can figure out if it's true?"

Willow started pacing again, her head down. "Not that I've been able to find. I've been looking, since we were in L.A. I can't find any way to prove it. I just…if she's in hell we have to save her. She'd do it for any of us."

Xander was still leaning forward, his knee bouncing unconsciously. "She would. Will, we don't know she's in hell. Or if she is and we pull her out, what happens to Dawn?"

Willow shook her head preemptively. "Dawn's not going anywhere. I know that for sure. If Buffy is in some hell dimension any ritual we used to get her out wouldn't do anything to Dawn. She's not the Key anymore. She's just a kid." She gave him a strained smile. "I made Buffy a promise. I wouldn't even bring it up if there was a chance it would hurt Dawnie. She wouldn't want out of hell if it meant Dawn took her place, or was the Key again."

"You're right," he agreed, eyes tracing invisible patterns on the floor. "You really think…?"

Willow nodded, her arms crossing over her chest. "I had thought of it before the dreams, but it seemed too horrible. And then the dreams started and it looked more possible, and… Xander, it's Buffy."

He nodded, looking up to meet her eyes. His next question was directed at Tara though. "Could it be true?" he asked sincerely.

Tara took a moment to answer, her eyes traveling between Willow and Xander. "The dreams…they're intense. I don't know if it is, but it _feels_ real. They always feel real," she said, voice quiet and it was enough to draw Willow to her, the redhead squeezing into the chair beside her and curling both arms around Tara protectively. The blonde leaned gratefully into her girlfriend's support, resting her head against Willow's shoulder, both hands curling up over the redhead's arms, holding them tight around her.

Xander looked over as Anya rubbed his back soothingly. "So, you really think Buffy might still be alive?" he asked, looking at each of the three.

Anya nodded immediately. "It's possible," she conceded. "I don't know anyone from Glory's dimension, but I could try and find someone…"

"Anya, no! That could be dangerous," Xander protested. "Will, there's no way to find out?"

The witch shook her head, shifting to give Tara's head more space on her shoulder, her cheek pressed to the blonde's hair. "Nothing I've been able to find," she said regretfully.

"Well, suppose it's true, what can we do?" Xander asked, rising from the couch to take Willow's place pacing the room.

Willow hesitated, already feeling Tara tense in her arms. "We can bring her back," she stated quietly, lifting her eyes to meet his.

"You can do that?" he asked, surprised. "Because I can't do that."

Willow shook her head. "I can't do it _yet_," she clarified. "But I have a place to start, and I want to…I need to try, Xander." She swallowed, meeting his eyes steadily. "It's Buffy. If she's still alive, we have to save her."

He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "I get that, Will. But is this even possible?"

"There's a way," she agreed.

"Tara, do you know anything about this? Have you guys talked about this?" he asked, letting his arms drop to swing at his sides before crossing them over his chest again and stopping to look at the blonde.

"No," Tara said softly. "This is the first I'm hearing of it. She's right, though. I've heard rumors, myths…"

Xander started walking again while Anya leaned back on the couch. "So, if we're doing this, and I'm not saying we are, what is the next step? Where are we standing with this?"

Willow swallowed, her fingers moving slowly over the fabric of Tara's shirt, still holding the blonde tight against her. "I've got the spell, but I'm going to need some supplies and more power to perform the ritual. I've been working on it, but I'm not ready yet," she answered honestly.

"And how long would it take you to get ready?" he asked. "Again, not that we're going to do it."

Willow knew he was still protesting, but she also knew him better than anyone. He was giving in. He wouldn't fight her if she insisted. "Not that we're going to do it," she agreed, "but I could be ready in a month, maybe a month and a half." She sighed. "It depends on how quickly we can get the bot finished. And by 'we' I mean 'me,' since I'm the one working on it, but I think we're getting there. It should be ready for a fight if Spike tells me these latest upgrades are strong enough."

Xander nodded. "Okay," he said, running one hand through his hair as he walked. "So, you're serious about this," he mused to himself. "And Buffy could be alive. And we might all be crazy," he added.

Willow pressed a kiss to Tara's temple before sliding out from behind her, stepping into Xander's path. "I'm not crazy, Xander. I've put a lot of thought into this," she assured him quietly, both hands holding his elbows. She met his eyes, silently pleading. "I need you, though. I need your help."

He stared at her, meeting Tara and Anya's looks over the redhead's shoulder. "Willow…" He let out a deep breath. "You know I'm with you," he acceded. "Just tell me what to do."

She smiled gratefully, nodding as she let go of his arms. "Thank you." She glanced over her shoulder at Anya, the former demon nodding.

"I miss Buffy," she said in her simple, honest way. "And Dawn needs her sister."

Willow gave her a tight smile, brushing both hands over her legs as she turned her attention to Tara. The blonde met her eyes, but didn't speak and Xander moved to help Anya to her feet. "We're going to go," he declared. "Let you guys talk." He knew that things had gotten better between the witches, but there was still an undercurrent of tension in the house. He didn't want to get in the middle of whatever came next.

They left quietly, the click of the door behind them giving Tara the signal to exhale deeply. Willow remained standing, holding her breath as she waited for a word from her. "Tara…"

The blonde held up one hand to stop her, shifting in her chair to sit up straighter. "You…y-you've been p-planning this for a w-while."

Willow moved toward her compulsively as she heard the stutter, dropping to her knees in front of Tara's chair. "Yes, and I know that we've talked about hiding things from each other and I didn't want to, but I wanted to get everything straight in my head, and I knew you wouldn't like it…"

"It's dark magic, Willow," Tara interrupted, her voice firm. "You…y-you've never d-done anything like…"

Willow shook her head, one hand finding Tara's knee. "No," she cut in. "Nothing like that. And Tara, you know I would never do anything like this if it wasn't Buffy." She swallowed, eyes pleading for understanding. "But it is Buffy. And she's my best friend. And she's in hell, fighting. I have to help her, Tara." She paused, leaning forward to rest her forehead against the blonde's knee. "But I need you with me."

Tara stared down at the back of her girlfriend's head, her hand sliding into red hair without thought. Willow shifted into her touch and Tara leaned over to press a kiss to the back of Willow's neck. "I'm right here," she assured her. "But I'm n-not s-sure about t-this," she continued, trying to be honest.

Willow's head lifted at the stutter, eyes wide. "Tara, honey, please don't be afraid of me," she pleaded, scared herself suddenly. She moved forward as much as she could, her stomach pressed to the bottom of the chair while her hands slid up Tara's legs, fingertips grazing over her sides and finally reaching up to hold her face. "Please, Tara."

"No, Willow," the blonde objected. "I'm n-not scared of y-you. I'm s-scared _for _you. That s-spell, e-everything I've h-heard, it's d-dangerous."

Willow leaned up in sudden relief, pressing a frenzied kiss to her girlfriend's lips. "I'll be careful," she promised against her lips, eyes closed. "I swear!" She wrapped both arms around Tara's neck, leaning her forehead against the blonde's neck.

"Will you…?" Tara started to ask, hesitating. "I w-want to see w-what you've b-been studying. I-I want to h-help."

Willow nodded against her, her fingers playing with the back of Tara's hair. "Yeah, of course. But nothing dangerous. I don't want you in any danger."

"But it's fair for you to put yourself in danger?" Tara asked dryly, leaning back to meet her eyes.

Willow bit her lip, ducking her head. "I don't…Tara…"

Tara hushed her with a kiss, letting Willow in with no prompting. They kissed softly, Willow leaning forward more until she overbalanced herself and fell forward into Tara's chest. She pushed herself back up with an embarrassed laugh. "Sorry, I'm a little clumsy," she apologized sheepishly.

Tara gave her a tight smile. "No problem," she whispered, realizing as she spoke that she was still tense, withdrawn and frightened. "Kiss me again," she directed softly.

Willow blinked in surprise, her smile growing slowly. "I can do that," she agreed quietly. She moved forward carefully, tilting her face to meet Tara's lips. Neither pressed for anything more, Willow's hands sliding slowly over the tops of Tara's thighs, separating slowly as she slid her palms down the blonde's legs. Willow's hands came to rest on Tara's knees, squeezing gently as she smiled softly. "Was that okay?" she teased quietly.

Tara laughed quietly, nodding. "Better than," she agreed. "Not enough to make me forget that I want to see your research, though."

Willow shook her head, willing her smile not to slip. She'd hoped to have a chance to double check the work she'd done so far, make sure there was nothing too scary involved, something that might drive Tara to withdraw her tentative support for the plan. She couldn't think of anything off the top of her head that might push her girlfriend to the breaking point, but she wanted to be sure. "Yeah, I know. Of course I wasn't trying to…" She glanced at the clock, thumbs moving slowly over the blonde's knees. "Could we do it in the morning?" she asked. "I'll go through it with you word-for-word, I promise. I just…I'm, I got myself all worked up to tell you guys about this, and now I'm kind of beat…"

Tara nodded, her hands finding Willow's wrists. "Sure, baby. We can go to bed," she agreed, smiling. She yawned suddenly, covering it with one hand. "I'm kind of tired myself."

Willow stood up, stretching her knees as she pulled Tara to her feet. "Snuggles?"

"Of course. It's not a good night's sleep without snuggles," Tara agreed, holding one of Willow's hands. "Dawn's at Janice's, right?"

"Yeah," Willow said. "I'll call and check on her before we go to bed." Tara raised an eyebrow at her without speaking and Willow grinned. "And I'm realizing that that's now, so I should call now."

Their young ward was safe at Janice's house, settling in with her friend and a Brad Pitt marathon, so they felt more comfortable as they climbed the stairs to what had become their room in the long months since they'd moved in. The night passed with no trouble and Willow managed to wake before Tara and start looking though the spell research she'd done. She was leaned against the headboard, lap full of papers, and she jumped when a hand trailed up her leg under the blankets. She dropped her paper, her breath huffing out.

"Tara, you scared me!" she said, one hand smoothing through blonde hair even as she spoke.

Tara yawned, stretching against the pillows. "You're up early."

"Just reading," Willow answered, shifting the stacks of paper and leaning over to put the piles on the floor carefully. Once her lap was clear she guided Tara's head to her leg, resuming running her fingers down the length of the blonde's hair. "You slept okay, right?"

Tara nodded, letting her eyes slide closed. "If you keep playing with my hair I'm going to be sleeping okay again in a minute," she agreed, voice soft.

"Okay then," Willow agreed, smiling to herself. "Feel free."

Tara curled one hand over her leg, letting out a soft sigh. "I want to stay awake," she disagreed. She pulled on Willow's leg. "Come down here with me," she prompted, eyes still closed. Willow didn't need more encouragement than that, sliding down onto her back when Tara lifted her head. The blonde settled back onto her shoulder, arm curling around her waist. "Much better," Tara murmured in satisfaction. Willow turned her head to press a kiss to her hair. They were silent for a long moment, Tara speaking up again quietly, "Interesting reading?"

Willow nodded, swallowing. "Yeah." She'd found a few things that were likely to worry Tara, but the papers she had out were vague to the details.

"Tell me?" Tara requested. "About the spell."

"Okay," she agreed hesitantly. She tried to keep the details vague, but Tara caught what she was doing and demanded more details. Willow explained what she knew about the spell's required 'struggle and sacrifice,' grateful that she hadn't discovered yet what was going to be necessary during that portion. Anything that kept Tara from shutting down her efforts would need to be covered, hidden, or explained away. She felt bad about intending to deceive the blonde, but it was all for Buffy.

"What are you thinking?" Willow asked as she finished, Tara silent.

There was a pause, Tara thinking it over. She could tell that Willow was holding back from her, keeping everything just on this side of the line she'd be willing to let her get away with. "I'm thinking that this is going to be a big risk." She took a deep breath and held it. "Willow, I know you feel like you have to do this for Buffy, but I need you to be alright at the end of it too."

"I will be," the redhead interjected.

"I mean really okay, Will," Tara continued, burying her face in Willow's neck. "You've never pushed yourself as far as this spell will call for you to go. I just want to be sure you're coming back to me at the end of it."

Willow swallowed, squeezing her eyes closed. "I will," she promised, voice hoarse suddenly. "Tara, I'd never leave you."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Tara responded. "This spell is dark. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Willow said, curling toward Tara. "Hey, look at me," she prompted. "You won't," she repeated firmly. "I'm yours, remember?"

"I remember," Tara affirmed. "And I am, you know?"

Willow felt her heart beat faster and she wondered if Tara could hear the rapid thumping in her chest. Her silent question was answered as the blonde's head moved against her chest, her ear flat on the pulse. "What?" she asked.

"Yours," Tara finished.

Willow pressed a kiss to her hair, leaning her cheek against the top of Tara's head. "And it's going to stay that way," she promised. "It's going to take a lot more than some dark magic to keep me away from you."

Tara sighed. "I just need you to be careful."

"I will be," Willow stated. "Everything is going to be okay," she promised. And for the first time since the Slayer's death, she meant it.


	7. Chapter 7

_Which then turned into a quiet word…_

Dawn huffed in frustration as she glared at her homework. "Willow, can you help me with this?" she called but there was no response. It seemed like the witch was busier than ever, even after finishing the bot. Steps behind her drew her eyes but it wasn't Willow who joined her at the table. "Oh, hi Buffy," Dawn greeted the robot.

"Do you need assistance with your homework?" Buffy-bot asked cheerfully, taking a seat beside her.

Dawn smiled helplessly. Willow still had some work to do on the robot's lexicon, but it was funny to see her sister's doppelganger speaking so properly. "Yeah, I'm not getting this formula."

The robot leaned over to read the worksheet, her eyes flickering down the page inhumanly fast. "I can help with this," she announced. "I'm very smart, you know."

Dawn giggled, tapping her pen against her textbook. "I know that."

Buffy-bot explained the math problem very precisely, pointing out examples in the book. Dawn couldn't help laughing, memories rising of her sister trying to explain her homework in the past, clumsy and confusingly. She let her smile fade as she suddenly realized that she was getting close to having a fond memory without the accompanying pain of grief that had become so familiar the last few months.

Her guilt was immediately and crushing. Buffy had been gone for months but that didn't keep her memory out of any of their heads. And now that the Buffy-bot was an active part of the household it made all of their memories sharper somehow, as if they had to compare the two. The only thing that that made clear was that there was no comparison. A hand on her shoulder drew her eyes. Tara was there, smile sad and knowing. "What are you two up to?" she asked kindly, taking the seat on the other side of her chair.

"Algebra," Dawn answered, trying to muster a cheerful tone.

"I'm helping!" the Buffy-bot informed her.

Tara gave her a smile. "That's nice of you, Buffy." Even at that moment Willow was upstairs working endlessly on the resurrection spell. Dawn didn't know that, though. Tara was trying to distract Dawn from Willow's continued preoccupation, and they were all trying to get used to the bot's constant presence in the house. Willow hated to admit it, but since the robot had been awakened and allowed to stay that way her household pressures _had_ gone down. Without her need to eat or sleep, the bot had almost entirely taken over cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.

"Anything I can do to help?" Tara asked, fingers rubbing Dawn's shoulder gently. "I'm not really good with math, but I can try."

Dawn nodded with a smile, shifting the book so Tara could read it. The Buffy-bot didn't speak, just watched the interaction curiously. Willow had been telling her that the best way to learn human interaction was to watch it. She could learn from this.

Tara and Dawn exchanged looks and the witch cleared her throat as she tried to get her head focused on Dawn's homework. "What are you and Spike getting into tonight?" she asked, grimacing a second later as the name drew a lovelorn sigh from the robot. Tara mouthed an apology at the teen, both of their eyes dropping to the text book. "I think this is right, sweetie, but I don't know," she confessed. "We should get Willow to check it."

"Get me to check what?" Willow asked, joining them at the table and taking a position behind Tara's chair.

"Math homework," Dawn answered and Willow leaned over the back to Tara's chair, resting her chin on the blonde's shoulder.

The redhead scoffed teasingly, distracted momentarily by Tara's ear so close by her lips. She nipped at the shell of her ear for a split second, the blonde reacting with a twitch although the others didn't notice anything. Tara reached back with one hand, finding Willow's knee and digging her nails in warningly.

"Math's no problem, Dawnie," Willow assured her, biting her lip as Tara's hand smoothed over where she'd just been squeezing her knee.

Willow was patient, explaining the problem carefully and they all recognized the robot's presence when she straightened up, clearing her throat. "This lesson has been most satisfactory," she declared. "I'm going to go get ready to hunt vampires."

The Buffy-bot marched off before they could say anything and Dawn coughed a bit as she choked up. "She still talks funny."

Willow nodded, voice quiet as she answered. "But not the same way Buffy talked funny."

"That's what I meant," Dawn agreed hoarsely. She cleared her throat again, tapping her pen against her book again. "So…with this…"

"Dawn," Willow interrupted her gently. "Sweetie…"

"I'm fine," Dawn stated, voice hoarse.

"Yeah, me too," Willow agreed, her own voice verging on bitter. "But let me tell you something. 'Fine' doesn't mean anything anymore. 'Fine' doesn't mean that I don't think about Buffy every hour of every day. I miss your sister more than I could ever say."

Dawn looked up from her book, eyes rimmed in red as she tried to hold back tears. "Me too."

"You don't have to be fine all the time, Dawn," Tara told her. "We're certainly not," she confessed. "If you want to talk to either one of us, we're here."

The teen blinked, slow tears escaping, but she shook her head, wiping her eyes and gesturing to her math book. "I just…can we just…?" She was coping with her grief the best she could. Sharing it wasn't something she was eager to do, even with Willow or Tara.

"Sure," Willow agreed quickly, sensing the younger girl's reluctance to share. "Do you think you've got it?"

They worked together on the math homework, Tara slipping away to make dinner. Spike arrived after sundown to stay with Dawn while the others were patrolling for the night. He'd had a rough night of it the night before and they were insisting that he take some time to recover his strength. Dawn protested being left at home, but the adults all insisted and she was forced to relent.

Spike was quiet, was always quiet, these days but Dawn didn't mind it. He was still completely tangled in his grief, even after the months that had passed. The others had made efforts to move on with their lives, it seemed somehow fitting, if sad, that the immortal one of them was stuck. Since that night at the tower, he'd put all of his energy and focus into keeping his last promise to Buffy to protect Dawn.

They were lounging around the living room, watching a bad horror movie and the teen spoke up, somehow more comfortable talking to him than any of the others when she knew how hard they were all working to keep life stable for her. "Spike, is it wrong?"

"Is what wrong, love?" he asked, leaning his head back against the base of the couch to look up at her where she was sitting on the couch behind him.

She swallowed, shrugging while she fiddled absently with the throw pillow in her lap. "It feels wrong."

He turned, crossing his arms over a bent knee. "You're going to have to be more specific, pet. Mind reading isn't one of my many, many skills."

"Buffy's not here anymore," she said, swallowing as his eyes narrowed. "It feels wrong that we're all okay with it."

He was silent for a long moment, heaving an unnecessary breath. "It's complicated, little bit," he admitted. "What I do know is that big sis wouldn't want you beating yourself up over it."

"So it's okay that I'm okay with her being gone?" Dawn demanded.

Spike gave her a pinning look. "Her not being here will never be okay," he said flatly. "But the Slayer - Buffy, would have never wanted you to dwell on it. She did what she did to save everyone. That's what she does…did."

"So how come you don't do more to get over it?" she asked, voice soft. This wasn't a question either of them would ask any of the others. They could be candid with each other, though.

He met her eyes. "I'm doing all I can, Dawn. She asked me to take care of you. That's my life now. Until the end of the world."

She swallowed, seeing the seriousness in his eyes. "That's not all she'd want for you and you know it," she challenged him. "I told you what she said up there."

"You did," he agreed. "It doesn't change anything for me, little bit. You're what I'm here for."

Dawn smiled sadly and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Spike. You deserve more than that."

He shook his head. "Maybe if I'd saved her, I'd agree."

Dawn sighed, giving him a weak smile as his eyes fell to the floor, the conversation clearly over. He turned back to the television to avoid her pitying look. Her own grief was painful, but what Spike was putting himself through would be unbearable. Suddenly she was grateful for the emotional distance time had given her. It obviously wasn't the same for Spike. Her heart was broken for her sister, but in spite of the pain, and even the guilt her inevitable recovery was causing, she couldn't regret being able to start putting it behind her.

* * *

The graveyard was nearly silent, the squeak of hunting bats the only discernible noise. The sound of shifting dirt made itself clear almost immediately. Willow was on top of a gravestone a few rows over and she slipped down from her perch and waved to the bot. Buffy-bot followed her, expression serious. The others were spread throughout the graveyard in pairs. This newbie was the first they'd seen though and tonight was the first time they had taken the bot out to fight without Spike there to watch her back. The strength and combat profiles Willow had written were working well, but the robot was still learning how to implement her knowledge in a combat situation.

A hand was pushing through the dirt when they reached the grave and the bot cocked her head as she watched. "Is that a vampire? It looks different than I expected. Nothing at all like Spike…" she complained in her perpetually cheerful voice. The hand froze as the vamp heard her speak and she crouched down and tapped the back of the hand with two fingers. "Excuse me," she said, confused. "My five friends and I have been waiting on you for a long time now. Please hurry up coming out of your grave so I can kill you, please?"

Willow sighed, hearing the others moving closer, and judging by the sounds of it at least one group was moving fast, probably on the run. Her attention snapped back to the supposedly imminent danger in front of her. The vampire was starting to withdraw his hand and the Buffy-bot looked to her for guidance.

"Go ahead and pull him up," she coached. "But they won't all be that simple."

The robot nodded understanding and yanked the vampire up through the dirt. "I'm Buffy and I'm here to kill you," she informed her captive, head turning as he punched her. "Oww. That hurt!"

"Less talking, Buffy! Punch him back!" Willow told her.

"I'm going to stake you now," the bot warned the vampire, suiting words to actions and driving the stake through his heart. She waved the dust away from herself as it floated down, coughing unnecessarily. "How was that?"

"You did pretty good," Willow conceded. "Less talking next time, okay? And you don't have to warn them that you're going to stake them."

They could hear a scuffle going on close by and Buffy squirmed as she stood there, waiting for instructions. "I hear a fight," she said. "Guy-els sounds like he might be in trouble."

Willow nodded, waving the robot into action. "Go," she prompted, jogging after her. Giles was collapsed at the base of a tree, cornered by a vampire, and the Buffy-bot ran to his rescue, staking the vampire who had trapped Giles. Another one was behind her and lifted her bodily off the ground while she was distracted, blinking the dust from her eyes.

"Willow! I need help!" the robot cried, struggling to kick back.

"You can do it," Willow encouraged, needing to know that the bot could think for herself better than she had been before they could declare her completely functioning. This wasn't anything Buffy would have had a problem with.

The witch joined Giles at the tree and helped him to his feet. Tara was in the grass beside him and she pushed herself up with a grimace. "Good timing, baby," the blonde said as Willow guided her up.

"Of course," Willow agreed, giving her a distracted grin as she turned to watch the robot struggle. The Buffy-bot managed to get her feet on the ground and flipped the vampire over her shoulder. Unfortunately, it was directly at the group by the tree.

Willow's head hit the tree hard and she groaned, shoving weakly at the vampire as she struggled to fight off unconsciousness. Giles got his leg up and kicked at the sprawled monster but the blow didn't have his full strength behind it. The bot was spinning in circles as she tried to locate the vampire, but it was moving by the time she caught sight of it, dragging a disoriented Willow with him.

"Buffy!" Tara yelled from the ground, drawing the robot's attention. "Get Willow!" She readied a spell, drawing energy into her hand. Xander and Anya ran up just then, both wielding stakes. The vampire hauled Willow up, one arm tight around her throat as he used her as a shield.

The bot looked confused, her eyes traveling uncertainly between the Scoobies and the vampire, Willow choking as he tightened his grip. "What do I do, Willow?" she asked nervously.

Xander couldn't help himself and shoved the robot. "Get Willow!" he ordered. "Now!" She looked at him, expression clearing as she nodded. Willow's air was cut off and her eyes rolled back as she started to faint. "Buffy!" Xander yelled, the sound of her name driving her into action.

Willow was limp in the vampire's arms, her head bobbing. The Buffy-bot lunged forward and whipped her fist downward sharply, hitting the surprised bloodsucker, but only because she also hit Willow, sending the witch spinning out of his arms. Tara and Xander rushed forward, uncaring of the fight that was continuing behind them.

Willow was breathing when they reached her, but it took a few seconds before her eyelids fluttered and she woke up. "Thank God," Tara breathed, kissing her quickly before she could stop herself. "Willow…"

"I'm okay," the redhead groaned, blinking blood out of her eye as the blow she'd gotten from the robot started to bleed. "Just a little woozy." She slumped suddenly and Tara barely managed to keep her girlfriend's head from hitting the ground. The Buffy-bot had finished the fight and was looking pleased with herself.

Tara and Xander exchanged looks. There was definitely something to be said about how the whole night had gone. It could have gone worse, but it had succeeded in making one thing perfectly clear. There was no replacing Buffy. No matter how good the robot had performed, no matter how much better Willow could get it, there was no replacement for the Slayer. As their eyes met, they could both see it. Willow's plan was their only way.

"Help me get her home," Tara requested, frowning at the bruise that was rising on Willow's cheek.

Xander lifted her easily into his arms, drawing attention to how small Willow really was. She'd always been so strong for them since Buffy's death but the reality was that she was still a thin, too thin now, young woman who could be taken down just like anyone else.

Tara reluctantly left Willow in Xander's arms and helped Anya pull Giles to his feet. The bot was circling them to keep the group safe, but they didn't have anymore encounters on their way home. Tara checked on Dawn and Spike before she joined Xander upstairs, the carpenter depositing Willow in the witches' bed.

Neither one spoke, eyes meeting. Anya joined them after a moment, shutting the door behind her. "Giles is distracting Dawn," she informed them, her arms crossed over her chest. "That was bad."

Xander nodded, leaning back against the wall while Tara took a seat on the edge of the bed at Willow's side, the redhead still fainted. "It was," Xander agreed.

"Willow can work on the bot some more," Tara said. "She can make it better."

"It doesn't matter how much better she makes it," Xander stated. "It's never going to be Buffy. Buffy would never have hurt Willow."

"Buffy's not here," Tara said softly, voice hesitant. They all knew what they weren't saying.

Anya, as always, was the one to break the silence. "She could be."

Tara sighed, glancing over her shoulder at the unconscious Willow. "It's dangerous."

"Could she do it?" Xander asked seriously, eyes locked on Tara.

"Yes," Tara stated. "It would be a lot of work. And not something we can rush into. We need to be careful."

Xander nodded, swallowing thickly. "Are we…is this really what we're…because it sounds like…"

"Buffy…" The name, moaned low in the darkness, drew all of their eyes. Willow stirred, her eyes blinking open. "Tara…"

"I'm right here," the blonde assured her, leaning over to press a kiss to her girlfriend's forehead. Willow whimpered, head moving into the touch. "You scared us."

"Buffy? The bot, I mean?" Willow questioned.

"She staked it. After she just about let you get choked to death," Xander answered her, voice unmistakably frustrated.

Willow shook her head groggily, pushing up slowly to sit up against the headboard. "I'm okay, Xander."

"I carried you home, Willow. You were out cold!"

"Well, I'm fine now," she repeated herself.

"We need Buffy back," Anya interjected suddenly and Willow's eyes widened. She'd not brought up her resurrection plan since the night they'd initially discussed it and she'd halfway been expecting it to never come up again.

"Are you saying…?" she asked hesitantly, eyes on Xander.

He heaved a heavy sigh. "Tara says you can do it."

Willow looked at her girlfriend in surprise. The blonde wasn't meeting her eyes and looked almost guilty. "I can," she stated seriously. Tara met her eyes finally, her own fears present but unspoken. "I can do it."

Xander looked at Anya and then Tara before looking at Willow, giving her a nod. "We're in. Let's get Buffy back."

Xander and Anya didn't linger, their declaration of intent giving them all a simultaneous feeling of relief and dread. Willow was still woozy and Tara left her alone only to check and make sure that the house was locked up and that Dawn didn't need anything before she was back in their room. She expected Willow to already be asleep, but the redhead was propped up against pillows reading.

Tara frowned, the dim bedside lamp not hiding how pale her girlfriend was. "Willow, honey, you should be sleeping." She slid onto the bed beside Willow, leaning her head against her lover's shoulder. "What's so important that you had to read it tonight?"

Willow closed the book as Tara's hand trailed over her stomach and she glanced down to meet blue eyes. "Just some research," she answered. "Are we really doing this? Getting Buffy back?"

Tara's hand froze, the blonde holding her breath. "We need her. You've done an amazing job with the bot, sweetie, but it's just not the same. It's not Buffy."

Willow squeezed her gently, one hand clicking the lamp off and curled closer to her partner. "Then we'll get Buffy back," she promised softly, her heart beating faster in the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

_You'll come back when they call you  
No need to say goodbye_

It had taken longer than she'd expected, and the path had been darker than she was willing to tell Tara about, but she finally was ready to cast the spell. Months of preparation and she finally had the power she would need to confront Osiris and get Buffy back. And they'd found out today that Anya's contacts had finally finished finding everything they'd need and there was no more reason to wait.

Willow had to steady herself as she pushed herself to her feet, limbs a little shaky after sitting for so long in one position. Her brain was feeling a little buzzed from the prolonged contact and she shook it off, wondering absently if she'd really seen sparks at the corners of her vision. "I've got to stop trying to do so much at once," she grumbled to herself, surprised to hear Tara agree with her. A glance over her shoulder revealed that her girlfriend had just entered their room. "It makes me shaky and easy to sneak up on, apparently."

Tara gave her a crooked smile over the tall stack of towels in her arms. Willow moved quickly to help her, taking half and carrying them into the hall bathroom. "You're looking a little shaky, sweetheart," Tara observed as Willow came back, one hand holding the wall to hold herself up.

"I am a little," Willow agreed.

The blonde met her halfway to the bed, taking her hand and helping her the rest of the way. "Lay down," Tara coaxed, already able to hear Willow's protests. "The house is clean, Dawn is doing her homework, Spike is going to be watching her tonight, the bot is taking patrol, and we've got everything ready for tonight. There is literally nothing for you to do, my love."

Willow curled her hand around Tara's wrist, pulling her to sit on the edge of the bed. "So that means you're just as unoccupied?" she asked hopefully.

"You're tired," Tara stated, brushing red hair back gently. She did scoot closer and stretch out on her side next to her girlfriend. "We can talk." She traced one hand down Willow's arm.

"Just talk?" Willow asked, pouting.

Tara tilted her head forward for a kiss, keeping it slow deliberately. "Just talk, for now," Tara said. "I want to go through the spell with you. One more time before tonight."

"You're not casting it," Willow stated, voice stern.

"I know that," Tara said, having already had that discussion with Willow. "But the person I love more than life itself _is_ casting it and I want to know what she's getting herself into."

Willow could help melting, nodding. "Okay, but can we sit up? And maybe can I lean against you and I could sit between your legs?"

Tara quirked an eyebrow, but sat up obligingly and shifted to lean against the headboard of their bed. "Come here," she requested softly, opening her arms and legs to the redhead. Willow moved slowly, pulling herself on trembling arms into Tara's comforting hold. "How's that?" Tara asked when the redhead was settled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Perfect," Willow answered. It had been a rocky road, putting their lives back into some semblance of normalcy, but despite all of their reservations, the tension and dramatics, the life they had managed to put together _did _feel normal again. Somehow.

Tara traced her fingers through Willow's hair, both breathing slow and deeply. "How was your meditation today?"

"Good," Willow answered. "I'm strong enough now."

Tara swallowed thickly, forcing herself not to think about what that meant. Willow had always been stronger than her, but now there was no telling what her lover was capable of. If she had the strength to bring Buffy back to life…there might be nothing beyond her reach. Tara didn't want to admit to herself how that thought scared her. She'd not been exaggerating or flirting when she'd told Willow that her power greatly resembled the power her mother had had…the power that had almost destroyed her mind long before her husband had destroyed her body.

"You'll take it easy, right?" she asked, grateful that her stutter wasn't giving away her anxiety.

"Until tonight," Willow agreed.

Tara pursed her lips against her girlfriend's hair. "Tell me about tonight," she requested, quiet steel in her voice telling Willow that this wasn't the time to play anything down.

"It's going to be intense," Willow started. "I'm going to be tested. I might scream or cry, but you can't let Xander stop me." She paused, the space filled with emotion. "You too."

Tara sighed. "I won't let you get hurt, Willow."

"If it gets us Buffy back, it's worth it," the redhead argued. "It shouldn't be too bad. They're just going to make sure that I'm strong enough to make the spell work. I have to get through it or we won't get her back."

Tara took a shuddery breath. "I don't k-know if I can j-just sit there and w-watch you suffer, Willow."

Willow wanted to protest, but knew how she'd feel if she was the one supposed to sit by and watch Tara endure something like what she knew she would have to do. "If there was another way…"

"I know," Tara interjected. "Just, how bad is it going to be?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. It's probably going to be pretty intense. I mean, we are asking for a fairly gigantic favor," Willow reasoned.

"So brace myself for the worst?"

"Possibly," Willow admitted.

Tara didn't speak for a long moment and Willow took a deep breath, waiting for her lover's next statement. "Okay, look at me," Tara finally spoke. Willow shifted enough to meet Tara's eyes, grateful that the blonde kept her arms around her. "I will _not_ lose you. Not even for Buffy." She kissed her suddenly, gone again before Willow could react. "But I trust you. I won't interfere until the last minute, okay?"

"Thank you, Tara," Willow breathed, turning further so they could see each other better. "You know how much I love you, don't you?"

"I do," Tara agreed, voice quiet. "You're n-not saying that b-because we're g-going…"

"It is _not_ goodbye, Tara," Willow stated firmly. "Never." She could see the fear in Tara's eyes and she leaned up helplessly, burying her face in the blonde's shoulder. "I love you so much."

"It sounds l-like goodbye," Tara whispered.

"Never going to happen," Willow reaffirmed. "I can't just _not _say it, though."

"I know. I'm glad. I love you too," Tara replied. "You're going to be careful, right?"

Willow nodded, one hand finding Tara's shirt and clinging unconsciously. "We're going to do this, Tara. We're going to get Buffy back."

Tara nodded, surprised to see the sun low in the sky out the window. "Everything is ready for tonight," she said, almost to herself.

"It's going to be fine," Willow whispered. "I promise you."

By the time it was time to meet Xander and Anya, they had talked through the entire process for the spell. Dawn had just let Spike in when they were leaving, neither one of them having a clue what was going to happen that night. They patrolled until midnight, knowing that Dawn and Spike wouldn't miss them until much later, Giles' departure a convenient distraction.

Willow could feel her hands trembling as she set up the spell, the urn in its place and the others on either side of the grave. The redhead brushed her hands down the sides of her dress. Anya's lighter was shaky, her own hands shaky, but she struck a flame that stayed just in time to start the ritual at midnight and they formed the circle, all dropping to their knees around the grave.

Willow pushed her anxiety out of her head, taking a deep breath as she began the incantation. "Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us. Before time and after. Before knowing and nothing." As she spoke, she anointed herself with the blood, noticing dimly that Xander's jaw dropped and Tara's eyes widened as they recognized the red liquid on her face. "Accept our offering. Know our prayer," she pleaded, her arms pulled to either side by unseen hands. She could only grit her teeth as invisible claws slashed through her flesh, carving deep gashes down her forearms.

Xander yelped her name, his candle shaking as he started to move forward. Tara called him back sharply. "No! She t-she told me…she'd be tested." Despite her words, she couldn't keep her eyes off Willow, her lover's pain clear on her face. "This is supposed to happen."

Willow could hear Tara's anxiety and she spoke louder, trying to block out the other sounds, focusing on what she had to do. "Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people! Let her cross over!" She could hear her heart pounding in her ears and she strained against the hands still holding her still while things crawled under her skin.

"She needs help!" Xander yelled, glaring impotently around the circle.

"Xander, she's strong!" Tara protested. "She said not to stop, no matter what. If we break the cycle now, it's over." What she didn't say came through clearly. Willow couldn't stop or Buffy was lost to them, trapped in her own hell.

Suddenly they could all hear a strange rumble, loud and growing louder with every second. "Oh God, what is that noise?" Anya asked, looking around the woods where Buffy's grave resided. They were outside of town, a precaution they'd decided was necessary when they'd decided to bury Buffy. The grave couldn't be anywhere where vampires and demons could find the marker and discover the truth.

Willow couldn't let the noise distract her and she shouted, "Osiris! Let her cross over!" She choked suddenly, gagging. Her hands were still held, her body locked in struggle against the god over the dead. She could feel something in her stomach, rolling and fighting to escape and she gagged again as it started forcing its way up her throat, her hands rising to scratch at her neck before she fell forward onto her hands as she gagged.

Tara knew she was saying something, helplessly repeating herself, but the sight of Willow fighting to throw up a live snake was almost too much and she had to remind herself that it was a test. "Willow!"

The snake landed heavy in the grass and Willow lifted her head, the deer's blood sliding down her face in the sweat of her struggle. "Osiris, release her!" Willow commanded, yelling.

Tara could feel the wind whipping, the energy changing as the spell got to the climax, Willow's eyes blazing as she committed herself fully to the struggle. At that moment though, the Buffy-bot appeared, sparking and obviously distressed. "Willow! I need service!" she said, spinning in circles as the demons she'd been chasing arrived, the noises of their motorcycles deafening. Xander grabbed Anya and Tara, drawing them protectively toward the trees as more motorbikes tore through the clearing.

"Willow!" Tara called, the witch still struggling. A motorcycle roared through their circle before they could stop it, the tire crushing the Urn of Osiris and releasing the energy of the spell in a large burst.

The magic drew out of Willow, driving the witch to the ground and she could do nothing but scream. Tara called her name again anxiously and Xander rushed to scoop her up after a demon drove Tara back from her attempt to reach her partner. Xander got to her and yelled for the other girls to go, dragging Willow out of the clearing in the other direction, deeper into the woods.

Once they made it a short distance Xander stopped, laying Willow down carefully and calling her name. "Willow! Are you okay?"

She was hazy and confused, blinking in the darkness. "Did it work?" she asked, voice trembling. She felt empty, her powers depleted and her body weak from the struggle.

Xander was distracted but he met her eyes. "I'm sorry," he breathed, catching her against his body as she slumped into unconsciousness. His eyes were traveling the forest and he tensed as he heard movement heading toward them. He was relieved to see Tara and Anya, the blonde witch moving quickly to take his place supporting Willow while he stood up. "I'm pretty sure she's okay," he said, moving to Anya's side. "Or as okay as someone who's just had _snakes_ coming out of their mouths! What the hell was that all about, Tara?" he demanded.

"Less talking, more running away," Anya directed, her voice low as her eyes traveled between Xander and the witches on the ground, Willow unconscious in Tara's arms.

"I'm sure the woods'll give us cover. Their motorcycles can't follow us in here," Xander reasoned, just as the noise grew louder again.

"Someone should tell them that," Anya said as the beam of a headlight flashed over their faces.

"New plan," Xander decided. "Let's split up."

"No! Bad plan!" Anya argued as Xander moved to take Willow from Tara.

The blonde helped him get her up, but didn't want to let her go. "I'll take her," she pleaded even as Xander hiked his best friend into his arms.

"No, I can carry her," he stated, meeting the witch's eyes. Tara whimpered softly and Xander gave her an understanding look. "I'll keep her safe, Tara."

The witch nodded reluctantly. "We s-should meet up s-somewhere," she suggested, not willing to let Willow out of her sight for too long.

"Magic Box," Xander decided. "Whoever gets there first, call Dawn and Spike."

"The Buffy-bot?" Anya asked, hesitating.

"We can't. It's lost. Go!" he said, lifting Willow, the witch still limp and unconscious in his arms. They set off in opposite directions, the carpenter moving slowly through the trees with his burden.

He finally had to stop, depositing them both in a clump of protective bushes. He was grateful to see Willow stirring, but he hushed her anxiously, eyes scanning the dark trees. "Xan-Xander, where…where-"

"Shh! We're using our quiet voice, Will."

Her voice was softer as she spoke again, her eyes searching the darkness. "Wh-wh-where's Tara?"

"Off and running," he answered. "Like we need to be. We gotta keep moving."

The witch shook her head groggily, the memories coming back in a hazy rush. "Oh, right. Demons…on bikes."

"Yeah, we've got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City," Xander agreed. "And our very own robo-Buffy led them right to us."

"Buffy! The ritual! We have to go back," Willow pleaded, sitting up weakly.

Xander stopped her, taking a deep breath. "Will, I told you…"

"We have to try again," Willow cut him off.

"No, we can't…"

"We have to, Xander! I, she, she's waiting! She's counting on us, on, on me! I can't leave her there anymore. I won't. We have to finish."

Xander could hear the growling roar of the motorcycle and he hushed her quickly, ducking them deeper into the bushes. "Will, the urn of cirrhosis…"

"Osiris?" she questioned.

"Yeah," he agreed, avoiding her eyes. "It got kind of…"

Willow remembered suddenly. "Broken. It's broken. I remember," she said, defeat overwhelming her.

Xander could see it and he sighed. "So we'll find another one. Better made. Anya and I will jump back on the web…"

"There is no other one," Willow whispered, feeling like she was going to be sick. She had failed. Buffy was gone, trapped in Hell, and she had failed when it had counted.

"Okay, we'll fix this one. A little tape, a dab of Crazy Glue," he offered, desperate to be supportive.

Willow shook her head, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. "No. It's no use. The urn's defiled. It's gone. Nothing…it was all for nothing. Buffy's gone. She's really gone." She choked back her emotion, the instinct still second nature after doing it without thinking for so many months. The others needed her to be strong, would need her strength more than ever, now that there was no hope of getting Buffy back.

She pushed herself to her feet, stumbling into the woods and leaving Xander to follow her. They didn't speak again, saving their air for hiking. Willow's strength was wavering and Xander wrapped a supportive arm around her waist, still without speaking as he helped her through the woods.

It felt like hours before he spoke again. "Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. Now I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star."

Willow looked up, finding the light overhead and immediately spotting a problem. "Xander. That's not the North Star. It's an airplane."

He looked up, surprised. "Nah, that's not an airplane. It's definitely a blimp," he complained. "But I can see how one could make that airplane mistake." He groaned. "It can't be much further." He could see Willow trembling as she leaned against a tree.

"You said that an hour ago," she said. "I just…that spell took a lot out of me."

He gave her a look. "As for example, snakes? How come you didn't tell us how much…"

"No," she cut him off. "Not now."

"What were we into back there, Will?" he questioned, his arms crossed over his chest.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Willow said, shaking her head as she leaned weakly into the tree.

"Don't get all avoidy on me."

"I'm not avoidy…I just, we have bigger problems. Demons?" she reminded him.

"Demons," he agreed. "There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us."

"Yeah, and now we're lost, so can we…" She paused, squinting through the trees. "What's that?"

"See? Avoidy," Xander responded.

"Over there," she said, pointing. "That light."

He saw it and backpedaled. He couldn't hear any motorcycles, but that didn't mean they hadn't been found. "That one moving towards us? Incredibly fast?"

Willow pushed herself up, frowning in thought. "Hello?"

Xander gave her a look over his shoulder. ""Hello?' We're being hunted and you're hello-ing a strange fast-moving light in the dark?" he asked incredulously. "It could be anything. It's a motorcycle headlight."

"No, too small," she disagreed, a cautious hope rising as she recognized it.

"Stay behind me," he directed as she took a step forward.

"Xander, I don't…" she started to explain, but he cut her off again.

"Stay down. I'll take care of this."

"Xander, it's…"

He swatted at the light frantically. "A bug! A big fiery bug!"

"Xander…"

"Get off!" he yelped. "Do fireflies bite? No, they probably burn, don't they?" He yelped again and Willow laughed, moving forward and raising her own hand.

"Xander, it's not a bug. It's Tara," she told him, letting the tickling light circle through her fingers. He looked over at her in the dim light, surprised to see that she was smiling. "Come on," Willow said, following as the light bobbed off through the trees.

"And how long have you know that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?" he questioned, following.

Willow limped through the trees, Tara's light bobbing out a few feet to guide them in the right direction before returning to her and zipping around her face. She wasn't there, but Willow could feel Tara's anxiety through the tiny light, the way it kept coming back to her, almost as if it was checking on her. The light was equally reassuring, letting her know that Tara was alright and was waiting on her.

She was disappointed by her lack of success, the knowledge that Buffy was suffering because of her failure, but some part of her couldn't help feeling relieved. She'd done everything she could to save her friend, and though they hadn't been happy about it, still weren't, they _had _managed to piece together a life without the Slayer. And right now, that life was being threatened. Tara and Anya were safe at the Magic Box, but they still had to find Dawn and Spike and find a way to get out of town or drive the demons out.

They were familiar enough with Sunnydale's various alleys to manage to get to the backdoor of the magic shop without crossing any main streets and avoiding the rampaging demons. Xander pounded on the door and they both heard Anya call through, "Already been looted, sorry! Uh, try the appliance store down the block! They've got great toasters!"

"Anya!" Xander called to get her attention and she opened the door as quickly as she could.

"Xander? I knew you weren't dead," Anya said, pulling him into a tight hug.

He said something in response, but Willow couldn't hear it over the pounding of her own heart in her ears. Tara was there, in her arms and whole, and she let herself slump into her lover's support. She loved Buffy, would always love Buffy, but this, her completion in Tara's arms, this was what she couldn't bear to lose. She'd need more time, more effort, and less demons to try and find another way to bring Buffy back, but this, her life with Tara, was what she was living for.

* * *

Okay, so this is the end of this one - thank you to everyone who read it (I know it's a bit different than my others) I hope you liked it! I wasn't planning on it, but after some prompting from a friend and finding a piece I started that would work for it, there will be a follow up eventually... so keep an eye out for that if you'd like.


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